There are some things we just can't control.

As my laptop  struggles to balance on my pregnant belly I am reminded I am 8 days overdue.If I had a pound for every time someone has said "oh , you are still here" or " you must be fed up waiting" I would have collected a substantial sum this week! It's funny though, because although I am so ready to meet our baby and excited, I have been feeling really content about just having these last few days with Josiah. He hasn't been feeling well all week and in a way I am glad I haven't had the baby yet as it means our son has had our full attention while he's been unsettled.I know that at some point baby Domingo number 2 will come when it is the right time! I mean, he can't stay in there forever!


taken by my hubby

"To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven:

 A time to be born, And a time to die"Ecclesiastes 3:1-2

 

I have been thinking about this verse all week and it spoke to me about how in a world where we try and control so much there are just some things that we have no control over. There are some things that we just can't plan. In a society where we are obsessed with order, preparation and aiming to have things done within our schedule, I find it quite freeing to be confronted with the fact that there are still things in my life I have no power at all over- like giving birth. I know that God has an appointed time for our baby to be born and he won't come a moment before or after that time!

 

Earlier on in the week my sister and I were chatting about the passing away of our step-dad. She was with him when he took his final breaths and was saying what a horrible thing it was to watch him die but that it was also such a sacred moment.

Sacred I said- how so?

She explained how he breathed out and then in and then out..... and that was it. God has appointed that very breath to be his last. In that very last breath out God has chosen to call him home to heaven. God decided that time and no one could have changed it. My sister was right- it was sacred.

 

The bible says there is a season for everything. I have learned this week that instead of fretting on when something may happen- just to let it be- let HIM be- and enjoy the fact that there are some things we just can't control!

Salt or Vinegar?

Our lovely boy has definitely hit toddler hood! He's gone from being my wee baby to being this little guy who has his own personality and knows exactly what he wants. New challenges. New fun! I love it. It amazes me how much he is learning to understand the world around him. His speech has really come on since we arrived in Scotland and he tries to copy most words. We were doing grocery shopping the other day and I wasn't aware I was talking out loud. Browsing through the cereal isle Josiahs voice came from the grocery cart "oh that's cheap!" I must have spoken it and he was copying! It really made me giggle.
Then I got to thinking just how his mind is like a sponge and his tongue ready to imitate. I'm now so aware that he is watching and listening to me all the time. He is learning from me and the people around him. He is learning words, tone and expression. I suddenly felt very transparent before him and before God.

Imagine that I am responsible for being an example to this precious little man. Our children are watching us and learning- both good and bad. What an awesome responsibility to show an example worthy of the saviour we claim to live for eh?!

I thought about how that morning I was feeling so exhausted. I'm feeling really well with only a few days to go to the birth of our next baby, but just tired. I thought of what Josiah may have heard and seen? Did I use a tone of impatience to anyone? Have I been rolling my eyes? Could I have chosen my words more wisely in a situation?

That evening I was praying about the use of our speech and how we each have a choice to use our words, tone, expression to build up our homes or create a negative atmosphere. This verse really challenged me;

"Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one." Collosians 4:16

I was thinking how sometimes our ways of communication can be more like vinegar than salt! A moan over something not worth moaning about- an impatient sigh at being kept waiting- an under the breath mutter in response to something that makes us mad. I read somewhere that salt refers to value as apparently the Romans used to give their soldiers an allowance of salt. Do the words we speak always carry value? Salt adds flavour. Do our words?

I'm thankful for the reminders from the Holy Spirit that convict and remind that we have a choice to use our words to bless or to curse- to build up or pull down.What a challenging verse though eh? Let our speech always be with grace!! Do I always speak to people the way I would want Josiah to speak to me? I know I still have a long way to go! How about you?

A smile that did not fade.

A while back I posted a blog about a young woman called Mary Chris.

http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=3693430664629924875#editor/target=post;postID=4672577958483815256

When we met her she was dying before our eyes. Through the help partners giving we were able to cover her medical costs and weekly needs. We watched as she battled through stages of weakness and gained strength. She was recovering well from Tuberculosis and malnutrition. She gained weight and energy. She went from having no force to utter a word to holding conversations and laughing. We knew God was answering prayer and we were believing for a total healing.

No matter what condition she was in when we went to visit- she always smiled. Sometimes her body was so skeletal and her tiny hands felt like they would crumble in mine, but her smile was alive and full of beauty. She was beautiful.

This week we learned from our team  that Mary Chris died. I was shocked. I thought she was getting better? She was much stronger than before and the doctors were happy with her progress. We learned she was having flu symptoms and then for 3 days did not want to eat or drink anything. On the afternoon of the 4th day she died,leaving behind a young husband and 2 year old daughter. It just didn't make sense.

It turns out the Doctor at the public hospital had advised her that she no longer needed to continue her TB treatment. I am no expert, but I know with TB for recovery to be successful patients have to complete the 6 month treatment. The final diagnosis of her death was dehydration with the root cause of TB and meningitis.The doctors did not diagnose the meningitis until after her death. So very sad.

I felt so heavy hearted and disappointed. What else could we have done to prevent this?" What "if's" start whirling through the mind as you examine every "could we have?". We have seen many deaths on the dump site.Some are sudden, like a child being mangled by a dump truck.This is so unjust and it should never happen.Perhaps such deaths can be stopped in the long term by getting the children physically off the site.But at that moment when these tragedies happen we physically can't do anything about it. With a long term illness I always feel there must be something else we could have done. I know ultimately our times are in Gods hands, but in all honesty I still can't help feeling so sad and frustrated when young lives are so cruelly snuffed out. I don't believe suffering is from God.I believe when he sees the cries of the poor,the screams of the sick or the final breaths of the dying his heart is sore too. Jesus wept for his friend Lazurus when he died.He is a feeling Jesus.

The only comfort I have in the death of Mary Chris is that she asked Jesus into her heart during her illness. There wasn't much in her tiny house,but there was a bible that she read. When she was too weak to only lie all day and night on her matress on the floor she played worship songs on the small radio we got her. She was an example of how to smile- even through agon she made an effort to smile.

The other day one of our team told us that as they sat with her before she died she still smiled. I know most of you did not Mary Chris,but I would like you to know she existed-she was loved and she had a smile that did not fade.

taken 2 month ago.

I will miss her smile.

Be patient anyway!!!!!

"When your children are needy on the same day you're exhausted be patient anyway!"

I read this today in an online devotional and it really popped out the screen at me. Such a good reminder!!

Since we have come back to Scotland it's been quite hecic. It's a privilege to visit supporting churches and a blessing to make new friends too, but it's also been quite a tiring time travelling so manu places. We planned most of our  itinerary for before our new baby arrives because realistically when we have 2 bambinos under a year and a half we will probably not be in a fit state to leave the house! hehe :)

We tend to take Josiah mostly everywhere we go, but the last couple of trips he has been showing that he's a bit fed up getting dragged from pillar to post! So we made a decision this week that Ron would continue the visits to England and Wales alone. It was a hard decision but one of they times when we just knew that it was right to put our first ministry- family, before our mission.
Anyway wee Josiah has had a couple of rough nights. Since we are based at my Mums house while we are in the UK we are all in the one room again. Sleep has become disrupted having Josiah in the room with us again! It's hard to imagine that next month we will have a brand new baby joining us in that space too! I know some of our Filipino friends will laugh at me thinking this is even an issue since some of them have about 8 in one room! 

With a busy schedule,a toddler out of routine and on the last few weeks of pregnancy I have been  feeling a bit "cream crackered" -tired! With that I have found that I lack patience. When I read the quote this morning it jumped out and rebuked me.
"BE PATIENT ANYWAY"!!!! 
It was a great reminder after a night of a baba who would not sleep unless he was literally cheek to cheek with mine,followed by a morning where he thought it would be good to showcase his strength of personality by throwing a tantrum or two!

I began to think about how patient God is with me.He is so patient. Even in the times I get cranky and act like a child.He is still patient. Even  when I make mistakes.I have only ever known Him to be patient.
What if I made more of an effort to just  BE PATIENT ANYWAY. Would our baby notice?

I was thinking how as parents we have such a huge responsibility to set an example. An example of who Jesus is. I pray that by His strength and grace He would help me be a good example in displaying aspects of His character to our beautiful children. Jesus left us an example to follow and the awesome thing is He never even asked us to follow it by our own deeds and goodness, but by just leaning and following Him. His strength is made perfect in our weakness. What a God we have! He is so lovely- so patient.


LOVE IS PATIENT I Corinthians 13:4

A "Gads" to my own "Crabbitness"!

It always takes a few weeks to adapt to living in Scotland again. It's just very different from the Philippines. There are lots of things I love about my country and about being back.
- living near family and friends
- parks to walk in and fresh air
-lots of baby friends and activity groups for Josiah
-food!!
-family churches and fellowship with faithful friends


There is something that I hate about being back though
- I seem to get more *crabbit!

*crabbit is a word in Scottish slang which means- grumpy, irritable, negative...


I hear myself complain far more in Scotland than Manila. You would have to ask my hubby if that is really true and because he is so sweet he would make excuses for me, but i think if pushed to he would also agree! I find myself thinking about myself far more than in the Philippines. I catch myself being negative about things and feel so ashamed because I should know better! Working with families who live in a dump site and cemetery, we see real suffering all the time. They of all people have the right to complain and be negative and yet- they don't!!

Someone asked us the other day which country is easier  to live in. The answer is definitely Scotland. There are not the same financial concerns. There is support practically, but more importantly emotionally from family and friends. There are systems in place in schools and health care that make everyone equal.. and much more. It's easier for our family here because we only really have to think of ourselves and our own needs most of the time in comparison to living in Manila, running a ministry and constantly thinking of the needs of hundreds of people.
But easier- is not necessarily better!
Could my moaning have something to do with being wrapped up in my own needs instead of serving others? What I have learned is that when you pour yourself out for others sometimes to the point of really sacrificing your wants- you not only don't have time to complain the same, but you actually find joy!
I really hope this is not coming across as if I'm trying to be all saintly! I'm really not. It's just a fact that when we purposely step out to help someone in need, we don't think about ourselves as much! But the truth is, there is need everywhere! Not just in the slums of Manila, but here in my wee hometown of Kilmarnock too.

This morning I went a walk with Josiah to the shop to buy some food and at the height level of  a child, newspapers with naked women on the front page. When we went  to buy petrol for the car t the other day- a row of tasteless magazines. I felt so sad as I thought how this is just the norm in the culture here. My heart was grieved as I thought about Josiah growing up to be in a society where this was accepted as OK. The truth is, its not OK! It's definitely not OK.In fact, there are lots of things about our liberal culture that are not OK, but I will save my ranting for another blog (or not!) It just made me sad and made me think that there is as much need in my own hometown. Different kinds of needs, but need none the less.
Last week when I went into town, the first 4 shop assistants greeted me with the same response:
"It's a miserable day isn't it?!!They were referring to the fact that it was cold and raining.It kind of made me giggle as I thought how Filipino shop assistants are usually so positive and welcoming to the point that it's extreme at times!
As I continued and walked with Josiah through the "mall" I couldn't help but notice so many faces marred with the mask of drug and alcohol addiction.

There are people who are hurting all around the world.There are people who are hurting living in every street in Kilmarnock. There are people going through really difficult situations amongst my own family and friends. There may not be starving children coming to my door, but there are people starving for love who need Jesus.I should have no excuse to moan or be so selfish.

For those non Scottish dialect speaking readers "gads" is a word used to describe something horrible/smelly/dirty. Isn't our old nature just that?! I'm glad the Lord forgives when we fall into moments of "crabbitness"- moment of selfishness.
So this is not really a blog for anyone else.No deep thoughts or lovely revelations, but instead a reminder to myself to let go of the "gads" in me and let God work in my heart more! The fact is, no matter where I am on the globe, my need to cling to the Lord Jesus should not waver! I'm glad He is unchanging. I'm thankful He is constant. His love never fails.His forgiveness available. His grace on constant supply. Oh how he loves us... even when we are very unlovable!

There's JOY in the laundry basket!

Wrote most of this a few months back and never found the time to finish and publish it!


I just became aware that it's been over a year since I lead worship publicly on a regular basis. It's one of the first times in my life that I haven't been part of a worship team. I thought it strange that I actually haven't noticed that it's been over a year. I wondered why?
As I was thinking about it I figured I haven't really missed it for a couple of reasons.

Since having Josiah I am more in our apartment in Manila  than I ever been before.I'm in a blessed position in that I have been able to create my own schedule. I can juggle working from home and going on site as often or as little as Josiahs needs require. This is a major advantage of your husband being your "boss"!
Instead of working along side my hubby 6 days a week at the dump site, I am in the house much more.It took a while to get used to because we have always done everything together.Now,a lot of the time it's just Josiah and I (or now Josiah, bump and i) in the house while my Ron is ministering in Tondo and Navotas.Since taking a season away from regularly leading worship in a church I (without noticing) found new ways to praise.

I can now-

- worship while changing a dirty nappy! ( a sentence I have never written before)
- worship while picking crumbs off the floor
-worship while washing the dishes, sweeping the floor, wiping up sick,washing laundry......

You get the picture? Its'not public. It's not practiced.It's not perfect, but it's still praise!

But do these times really mean as much to God? I mean really? Is God really listening when I'm singing while picking up and tripping over cars, crayons and crusts flung from the highchair?! I'm reminded of words penned by composer Steven Curtis Chapman
"This is a moment made for worshipping, cause this is a moment I'm alive"

Wow! Every moment I take a breath is an opportunity to worship.It's an opportunity to show God I am thankful.It's a place I have the chance to find joy.

This may sound so mushy, but I can truly say that since becoming a Mama I have found joy in the strangest places. I have learned that mundane tasks that seem totally unimportant to anyone else can be a way to serve Jesus and my family. On days that us Mama's have cooked, cleaned, tidied, washed, mopped and feel quite exhausted from running after our children, we should lift our hearts in thanks and feel accomplished. Even if our homes still look as though a bomb has dropped!
The fact is it is amazing that by doing  these mundane things we can love and serve our husbands and children. We are building a home for them. I have come to really enjoy days being a "house  wife". It's precious to know Mamas have the ability to create a space that can feel like home.It's precious to be able to chase after, play with, bath, hug,love our babies.I feel so blessed I can be at home with him and not have to miss anything.I have friends that would just love to have more time at home with their kids.
 I believe God gave our families to us as our first ministry.Our homes are our number one mission field. I know some of you reading may think this all sounds very old fashioned,but I feel it's true.
On the days where I find myself moaning about doing something in our home, I need to check myself and remind myself to be thankful.
"Oh there are so many dishes to do,clothes to wash,stuff to clean,..."
What I should be saying is;
-Thank you God I have a lovely husband and beautiful son to do these things for!

God has confirmed to me more than ever what true worship and real joy is. They are not dependent on the place or people around us.It's a matter of the heart. Christians were made to worship and in worshipping we can have real joy. What an amazing purpose we have! What a privilege. So whether I'm leading hundreds of people to sing in a church or whether I'm leading my one year old son in a simple Sunday school song- if I sing with a heart of worship it sounds just as beautiful to God. When we choose to worship- we find real joy.

Are they really poor?

So, we are back in Bonnie Scotland! After a 28 hour journey (which went pretty smoothly with a toddler and a big bump) it was so good to give and receive many a squeezy hug with family and friends. It's good to be back! It's good to be around friends and be able to share our hearts. It's good to be with family and meet new additions. It's good to eat fish n chips, square sausage and a whole host of other yummies!

It's been quite a busy time since landing, visiting people, getting ready for a new baby and starting our itinerary in churches and groups giving missions updates. We have been so warmly welcomed and encouraged. The last couple of days we have had more time to ourselves and I got to thinking...

Are the families we work with who live on the dump site and cemetery really poor?
I know this probably sounds a ridiculous question!

Yes, they are considered amongst the poorest of the poor in the Philippines.Going without food for days is normal to many.Not owning  a pair of shoes is not seen as anything different. Living in a shack made of plastic bags and chicken wire is just the way it is. Most of them have nothing that we would consider any earthly value. Yet, my heart will not allow me to answer that they are totally poor.

Why?
Because many of them have a relationship with Jesus. Many of them have truly made Jesus the Lord of their lives and He has become their motivation for each day. So they may have nothing of material wealth, but they have everything in Jesus.
As I was thinking about them today I found myself checking my own heart. Here in the UK I think it can be easy to get caught up in "stuff". I'm not saying having stuff is wrong. It's just that as I have watched Jesus save the lives of the poor, many a time He then becomes their everything and their all. I think this is partly because they don't have "stuff" pulling for their attention. They don't have to keep up with what so and so next door has or what the media shows is the next best thing to buy.

Since being back in Scotland I have not seen one child running around naked in the mud. I have not seen hundreds of children searching through trash to find a scrap of food. I have entered one house where a family is without running water and a toilet. Scotland is blessed! I know there are many other needs and in my opinion these needs are as much of an emergency as the ones in Manila. There are many heartbreaking issues here too.But I believe the core need is a need for Jesus.

The old man in Manila living on a festering dump site needs Jesus the same as the wealthy businessman living in a mansion in Scotland needs Jesus.

Earlier today my heart was so heavy as I thought on the culture of materialism that we seem to have in the UK. Again, I don't think its wrong for people to work hard and have nice things. But there is a great difference from having nice things or letting they things have you. I am thankful for the many people who give here out of their financial blessing or out of their need.They make what we do possible. But I am also thankful for the families we work with and love who demonstrate continually what true wealth and joy is.They have reminded me to check reality and my heart today!


Our lovely children's choir on the dump site sing a song called "I have nothing without you" I can hear it sound through my head as though they were standing in this room today. How true that rich or poor- we are nothing without Him. I need Him!

taken at our children's prayer meeting on Tondo dump site

Happy Anniversary Mahal Ko (my love)

It's our 5th wedding anniversary!!!! (smiley smiley face) :) :)
I sat down this morning to write a poem for my husband to try and express what he means to me and how I love him. I scribbled a few verses. I think they were quite nice!.But I felt a prompting to put down my pen and think specifically about what I really respect about my Ron.

Ron, my love...

I respect and love that you are;

-A man of good intentions
You fight for me and you fight for others
You stand against injustice-you take action.
You are full of compassion.

-You protect and provide for me and our children
Carry problems and pressure and try and keep the burdens from me
You are patient and kind
Creative and inspiring.

-I appreciate and respect the way you;
Work and succeed in achieving so much
Pay the bills and fix stuff!
Give. You would give everything away to help someone out.
You are honest. A man of honour.


-It blows my mind that you would;
Be willing to die for us.
You lead us. You are wise.
You offer your time to council others
You are a peacemaker
I respect the decisions you make for our family and for our work.

-I'm thankful that you;
Are strong in the times when I feel weak
You are gracious when I mess up
Come up with solutions to problems
You serve and you lead.You lead so well.

You are a great friend. My best friend. Trust worthy and faithful.
You are my love. My lover.I admire you.
I love that you still have dreams. I believe in them. I stand with you.

I want you and the world to know that:


I respect the man God made You. I thank Him for your life.
I love you.
I have faith in you. I believe in you. I am with you.
I appreciate you.
I'm so proud to stand beside you and walk this life together.
I'm so proud to be your wife.

An example set by my toddler.... to me.

The last couple of days have been the hardest I can remember in a long time. So many challenges. So many needs. It takes a lot for me to worry. I'm really not a worrier. But for the first time in a long long time I could feel myself becoming anxious.Both Ron and I could really feel the pressure of everything that was happening. Problems just seemed to be coming from every direction.
 We knew God was with us. There are so many beautiful scriptures in the bible that bring peace in situations that are so unpeacful- about Gods everlasting arms being underneath us- about not worrying about tomorrow- about God looking after the sparrows so how how much more will he look after us. But for some reason even though I read them, prayed them, sang them I could still feel this bubble of worry in my stomach.

This morning the problems that arose yesterday both to us personally and in the ministry were still with us. I was thinking about a verse my hubby quoted last night about God never leaving or forsaking us in problems. I knew it was true and yet still I could not feel that total peace about things.

 A little later in the morning Josiah climbed up onto my knee, cuddled in with his head resting on my growing bump and fell into a deep sleep.

Not a care. Not a worry in his mind. No concept of the problems..
He knew Daddy and Mummy were there to look after him. He believed his needs would be met. He knew he was loved and cared for. As I hugged him and looked into his handsome wee face, I could actually feel the contentment and peace from him. Then it hit me...
PEACE.
I thought too about Jesus asleep on the boat. I could just imagine the disciples running around in a panic. Their hearts pounding. Their minds racing... and there was Jesus in a state of total rest.

Then Jesus said- "Peace, be still! And the wind ceased and there was a great calm" (Mark 4:39)

Our Abba Daddy is looking after us. I know that I know this, but this morning I know it again!
I don't need to be anxious.I just need be thankful, trust, ask and wait for my God to help.

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6,7)

The BIG P and regular fries.

I just found this in my drafts from about 5  months ago......

 
"There are always two versions of a story, regular or twister fries. Regular, please!"

So I saw this on a friends face book page and found myself having a giggle and a big nod in agreement!


Anyone else ever surprised about the ugliness of their own nature at times? I am.

I've been thinking about how the big P can creep up almost unnoticed until..BAM! There it is! The big P I'm talking about is PRIDE. Even the sound of the word has a horrible ring to it.

Have you ever been in a situation where someone has spoke falsely against you? Maybe they are just really mistaken or maybe they are just out right telling lies! Whichever it is, I am learning the important thing is how we respond. Easier said than done at times!

One of the most hurtful things we can encounter is for some one who you think is a friend to speak wrongly against you.  My first reaction after hurt was that of defense. To show them they were totally wrong and point out facts. Thankfully I am married to a lovely and wise man who thinks before he speaks. He reminded me (even if at that moment it was not what I wanted to hear) not to rush an answer. In fact not to respond at all.
My old nature did not like it one bit!

But once the emotion melted away I knew he was right. Then I started to think about that persons situation. I still did not like the untruthfulness of the words they spoke, but I somehow just about managed to separate my feeling from the way I would respond. I started to think about what might have made them do this.

So then God starts showing me  my heart!! (sqirm sqirm sqirm) Was it my pride that made me think I had to respond by justifying myself and writing down the facts to every lie told? Was it pride bubbling up energising me to just have to "respond with this one thing".
I believe God showed me it was. I was reminded of Jesus. The bible says
"He opened not his mouth."

Gulp! Who more than Jesus had the right to justify himself and correct all the lies people told of Him? Yet He was so humble that he let all sorts of lies be spoken against Him. I was thinking too about how secure He was in His identity. Fully God. Fully man. He knew the end from the beginning. He knew the hearts and minds of every person who falsely accused Him. He knew it all.

Thank God that we can be secure in our identity in Christ. Thank God that if we are His then we need not fear what people would say. It doesn't really matter. I am so so thankful that through the grace of God that I don't have to worry about false words. I am so thankful that my identity is not based on what a person may think of me. It's not based on my past, present or future. It's not based on my work or achievements.
My identity is based on Jesus. I love Him because He first loved me. He loves me. He knows me. I am His. I am His. I am His.

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life". Proverbs 4:23