There are some things we just can't control.

As my laptop  struggles to balance on my pregnant belly I am reminded I am 8 days overdue.If I had a pound for every time someone has said "oh , you are still here" or " you must be fed up waiting" I would have collected a substantial sum this week! It's funny though, because although I am so ready to meet our baby and excited, I have been feeling really content about just having these last few days with Josiah. He hasn't been feeling well all week and in a way I am glad I haven't had the baby yet as it means our son has had our full attention while he's been unsettled.I know that at some point baby Domingo number 2 will come when it is the right time! I mean, he can't stay in there forever!


taken by my hubby

"To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven:

 A time to be born, And a time to die"Ecclesiastes 3:1-2

 

I have been thinking about this verse all week and it spoke to me about how in a world where we try and control so much there are just some things that we have no control over. There are some things that we just can't plan. In a society where we are obsessed with order, preparation and aiming to have things done within our schedule, I find it quite freeing to be confronted with the fact that there are still things in my life I have no power at all over- like giving birth. I know that God has an appointed time for our baby to be born and he won't come a moment before or after that time!

 

Earlier on in the week my sister and I were chatting about the passing away of our step-dad. She was with him when he took his final breaths and was saying what a horrible thing it was to watch him die but that it was also such a sacred moment.

Sacred I said- how so?

She explained how he breathed out and then in and then out..... and that was it. God has appointed that very breath to be his last. In that very last breath out God has chosen to call him home to heaven. God decided that time and no one could have changed it. My sister was right- it was sacred.

 

The bible says there is a season for everything. I have learned this week that instead of fretting on when something may happen- just to let it be- let HIM be- and enjoy the fact that there are some things we just can't control!

Salt or Vinegar?

Our lovely boy has definitely hit toddler hood! He's gone from being my wee baby to being this little guy who has his own personality and knows exactly what he wants. New challenges. New fun! I love it. It amazes me how much he is learning to understand the world around him. His speech has really come on since we arrived in Scotland and he tries to copy most words. We were doing grocery shopping the other day and I wasn't aware I was talking out loud. Browsing through the cereal isle Josiahs voice came from the grocery cart "oh that's cheap!" I must have spoken it and he was copying! It really made me giggle.
Then I got to thinking just how his mind is like a sponge and his tongue ready to imitate. I'm now so aware that he is watching and listening to me all the time. He is learning from me and the people around him. He is learning words, tone and expression. I suddenly felt very transparent before him and before God.

Imagine that I am responsible for being an example to this precious little man. Our children are watching us and learning- both good and bad. What an awesome responsibility to show an example worthy of the saviour we claim to live for eh?!

I thought about how that morning I was feeling so exhausted. I'm feeling really well with only a few days to go to the birth of our next baby, but just tired. I thought of what Josiah may have heard and seen? Did I use a tone of impatience to anyone? Have I been rolling my eyes? Could I have chosen my words more wisely in a situation?

That evening I was praying about the use of our speech and how we each have a choice to use our words, tone, expression to build up our homes or create a negative atmosphere. This verse really challenged me;

"Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one." Collosians 4:16

I was thinking how sometimes our ways of communication can be more like vinegar than salt! A moan over something not worth moaning about- an impatient sigh at being kept waiting- an under the breath mutter in response to something that makes us mad. I read somewhere that salt refers to value as apparently the Romans used to give their soldiers an allowance of salt. Do the words we speak always carry value? Salt adds flavour. Do our words?

I'm thankful for the reminders from the Holy Spirit that convict and remind that we have a choice to use our words to bless or to curse- to build up or pull down.What a challenging verse though eh? Let our speech always be with grace!! Do I always speak to people the way I would want Josiah to speak to me? I know I still have a long way to go! How about you?

A smile that did not fade.

A while back I posted a blog about a young woman called Mary Chris.

http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=3693430664629924875#editor/target=post;postID=4672577958483815256

When we met her she was dying before our eyes. Through the help partners giving we were able to cover her medical costs and weekly needs. We watched as she battled through stages of weakness and gained strength. She was recovering well from Tuberculosis and malnutrition. She gained weight and energy. She went from having no force to utter a word to holding conversations and laughing. We knew God was answering prayer and we were believing for a total healing.

No matter what condition she was in when we went to visit- she always smiled. Sometimes her body was so skeletal and her tiny hands felt like they would crumble in mine, but her smile was alive and full of beauty. She was beautiful.

This week we learned from our team  that Mary Chris died. I was shocked. I thought she was getting better? She was much stronger than before and the doctors were happy with her progress. We learned she was having flu symptoms and then for 3 days did not want to eat or drink anything. On the afternoon of the 4th day she died,leaving behind a young husband and 2 year old daughter. It just didn't make sense.

It turns out the Doctor at the public hospital had advised her that she no longer needed to continue her TB treatment. I am no expert, but I know with TB for recovery to be successful patients have to complete the 6 month treatment. The final diagnosis of her death was dehydration with the root cause of TB and meningitis.The doctors did not diagnose the meningitis until after her death. So very sad.

I felt so heavy hearted and disappointed. What else could we have done to prevent this?" What "if's" start whirling through the mind as you examine every "could we have?". We have seen many deaths on the dump site.Some are sudden, like a child being mangled by a dump truck.This is so unjust and it should never happen.Perhaps such deaths can be stopped in the long term by getting the children physically off the site.But at that moment when these tragedies happen we physically can't do anything about it. With a long term illness I always feel there must be something else we could have done. I know ultimately our times are in Gods hands, but in all honesty I still can't help feeling so sad and frustrated when young lives are so cruelly snuffed out. I don't believe suffering is from God.I believe when he sees the cries of the poor,the screams of the sick or the final breaths of the dying his heart is sore too. Jesus wept for his friend Lazurus when he died.He is a feeling Jesus.

The only comfort I have in the death of Mary Chris is that she asked Jesus into her heart during her illness. There wasn't much in her tiny house,but there was a bible that she read. When she was too weak to only lie all day and night on her matress on the floor she played worship songs on the small radio we got her. She was an example of how to smile- even through agon she made an effort to smile.

The other day one of our team told us that as they sat with her before she died she still smiled. I know most of you did not Mary Chris,but I would like you to know she existed-she was loved and she had a smile that did not fade.

taken 2 month ago.

I will miss her smile.