A "Princess" and her late night pondering.

The other morning the sun actually made an appearance in Scotland. I was sitting on my mums doorstep watching our boys run around the garden. Sticks became swords, grass became an exploding thing to be scattered and  leaves became some kind of rocket booster accessory. The garden was filled with noisy, wild, energetic toddler adventures.

Then my big boy  came with a yellow flower he had plucked from Grannys garden and placed it gently at the front of my hair.

"I'm putting flowers in your hair cause you're  a Princess Mummy"

 Two little golden flowers and a white daisy and I was "ready". Ready for what was not totally clear. Cold little hands spread out wide and chest puffed out "I'll protect you Mum!"
 A sweet gentle, moment which in all honesty turned my heart to complete mush. The tenderness was like a vapor as he quickly stormed right back into "fighting the dragon"- his 2 year old brother.

Tonight was pretty tumultuous. Some days toddlers are toddlers and some days they are really toddlers! There were tantrums. There were tears (theirs and mine!)
As my big brown eyed boys snacked on strawberries  at the table before bed I asked him what the most fun part of his day had been.

"with you putting flowers in your hair mum"

That wasn't even today!
 But what it showed me was it was important to him. Our relationship was important to him. Our relationship being close and right was important to him.

Parental love and a child's love reminds me of our relationship with our Abba Daddy. He calls us royalty too. Sons and daughters of the King of Kings. God loves us so much that if we mess up we feel the distance because we know in our hearts the relationship should be restored  and made right.

 After all the behavior battles and challenges of submitting to parental authority children don't want the relationship broken, and when it is momentarily affected , they want it restored.  The other day after superhero boy Josiah had been acting up he  didn't want to say sorry as speedily as usual and he was- miserable!
 About 10 minutes of sulking and then he came to Ron and I of his own accord and said "Dad, Mum will you forgive me?" What does a parent do? Oh we just long for that moment of reconciliation dont we? Of course we want to forgive them because we love them. We are just waiting  to hug them and start over. Why do we think God, our Father is any different? We sin and instead of going immediately to Him we sometimes feel ashamed or get stroppy, when all along He is actually waiting for us to go to Him and say sorry so that he can forgive us, wipe it away and then we get to start again with our mistake already forgotten!

 My husband loves me.  He sees the best in me, cheers me on in moments of self doubt, loves me unconditionally and yet loves me too much to let me get away with any stinky attitudes!
Parenting is kind of the same i think. We love them too much not to correct them for their stinky attitudes at times!

It's been a time of change for us. A mammoth journey from the other side of the world. For my boys everything is new- culture, food, people, places. People knowing them, but they don't really know anyone. A time of change that seems to have evoked reactions.My smiling little boy has become clingy as the clingiest glue and my big adventure boy has been having disrespectful outbursts.  It's been kind of annoying and unexpected, but i think i have been pretty annoying too! Unexpectedly, i haven't really loved all the change either!

Our 2.5 weeks in Scotland so far have been restful, weird, refreshing, awkward, enjoyable,frustrating. (and the negative describing words are no ones fault, its just how we have both felt!)

The boys don't associate Scotland as being their home. Almost every day Josiah talks about our "home", "our house" and names our street. He likes being here but he's verbalising he doesn't think of it as his home. Then it struck me, neither do I anymore.

I feel blessed we have the chance to see family and friends, I love love love watching our boys play with their cousins.It's less stressful to wake up and just think of our own families needs instead of hundreds of others.  I'm thankful we get to go around churches and be an advocate for the community of people we love in Tondo. I'm grateful we get a chance to update partners face to face.It's a privilege to see what God is doing through community changers in my home town. God's timing was perfect for us to come for certain family circumstances and it's right and good that we are here.
 But  it's a super weird feeling when your home country doesn't really feel like home anymore. Seriously odd.

It's quite thought provoking to ponder the fact that Manila, somewhere that was severely out my comfort zone, with all its craziness, became home.
I feel blessed to call two countries "home".
 It challenges the core of contentment, root of happiness and opens up opportunities to meet more amazing people from all corners of the globe. It gives our children two completely different cultural experiences. It has tested out faith and strengthened our trust in God more than I could have imagined. It's been our calling and is still so until God shows us otherwise, but it reminds us that we are only pilgrims on a journey and strangers passing through. If we are Christians, then anywhere in this world is not really our home....

We (I)  have a choice to go where He calls us in each season, or not to go. The choice is pretty simple, we obey and learn contentment where He asks us to be, or we disobey and feel miserable whilst struggling against change.

Excuse my late night ramblings. Friends keep asking us how we are getting on home and i havnt found much else than an awkward response! lol  I am but a "princess" that is pondering  life in a seemingly new land!  Maybe somewhere else out there, there is a Mama doing the same! :)

Another flower moment, though not as tender it was pretty hilarious :)

Sometimes life stinks.

(actually i think he was reacting to the sunlight and not smell!)

When we were sorting the stockroom the other day I noticed I could easily identify the difference between the smell of rat pee, cat pee, rat poop and general damp stink.It's not a talent I came to the Philippines with, but definitely one I have acquired!
 Do they teach this stuff in mission school?!

Since Christmas the dump site area has become more smelly and I say that with no disrespect to the people living there- they also are saying it!

I was walking through what is usually black mud the other day and noticed it was brown mushy goo half way up my boot. You can guess which components made that up! I was doing house visits with one of the youth leaders who also lives there who said "I think im going to be sick with the smell".
You know the place is particularly poignant when the residents start to mention the aroma.
We held our breath and walked past the hardworking and risk taking men and women who sit in the middle of the stench sorting trash to earn money to provide food for their families.

There is a woman called Virgie I notice every time I walk through that particular part. She is plump with a kind face and she is always sitting in the same spot sorting through trash bags. She looks like she should not be doing that job. She shouldn't have to. I like it when she comes to church on a Sunday because it means she is not sitting in waste even for a little while.

Each year from Dec- Jan ,the  amount of trash coming into the community increases. That means that the amount of rotten food piles up quicker than usual. That means that children, in particular toddlers who don't know better than to play in it and put their fingers in their mouths get sick faster.

Another reason the smell had become so  awful was because one of the main men in the Pag-Pag trade was expanding his business (literally) and occupying more physical space for all the discarded food, which would be boiled and resold.
 Residents were complaining as their children were getting sick and they could smell it even across the street. While they were getting sick, he was getting cash. The man was doing what he could to provide for his own family, which is commendable but unfortunately at the expense of his neighbors. After a couple of weeks of people complaining nothing was done by him so Ron decide to go speak to him. Thankfully the man responded and cleared it and has kept the pag pag in one area instead of all across the street.
I'm thankful for a bold man who has build good relationships over the years.

So all this got me thinking about smells!

I wonder what the odor in the stable was like in Bethlehem? In nursery school nativity plays it always looks clean and tidy, but i wonder what it was actually like? I imagine the smells could have been a little offensive with all they animals!

Just doesn't make sense does it? That the King of Kings, the most beautiful One would be born in a place like that.

I wonder what the streets of Jerusalem smelled like in Jesus time? Ive been in the crowded streets  of were the old Jerusalem was. It's really cramped and busy. I remember there was a kind of musty sweat smell mixed with amazing food scents going though the marketplace. Jesus walked on those streets and other narrow streets like them. His shoulders rubbed with everyday people from all walks of life. His perfect hands touched  the skin of playful children, abandoned beggars and exiled lepers.
He walked among and loved on sweaty, ordinary human beings.

The creator of the universe- lived among messed up people, like us- for us.


A few weeks ago a woman in the community died very suddenly. She was 9 months pregnant. Her name was Ate Lea and she had a beautiful broad smile. We work with her 3 children.
Due to the families limited means and insufficient procedure from the allocated government agency that helps pay for funerals, Ate Leas open coffin rested on a manmade hill of trash outside their home for more than 2 weeks.  I have never seen a pregnant woman in a coffin before. I cannot articulate how I feel about the disgusting injustice of it all. It was one of the saddest scenarios I have ever had to force my eyes on.

Seeing Ate Lea like that was not the way I wanted to remember her. I hate looking into open coffins, but do is as a sign of respect to the family and because that's the way of the culture. I hate it. Her face bore no resemblance to what she actually looked like. Two weeks earlier I had laid my hand on her bulging stomach and felt the kick of her baby.
Disfigured in a coffin is not the way her children should have had to remember their Mama. They watched as she decomposed with their little brother or sister still in her womb.
On about the 8th day, when the embalming fluid had run its course the neighbors began complaining about the smell, hoping the barangay would commit to their words and help transport the coffin.
Each day there was a delay, the fetor of the woman's corpse was attracting more flies. Each day that passed her husband drank more to escape the horror of what was happening to his wife.

Death stinks.

The deathlike stench of our sin got up into the nostrils of a Holy God. A God of love and a God of justice. Everyone ever born tainted with the  foul stink of sin. His standard of perfection was one that none of  us could meet. But because He is great in love and mercy, He made a way for our case to be dismissed in the courts of heaven.

He gave of His most beloved son- Jesus to take our place, take our punishment and redeem the lost ones. The dead ones.


The bible says that we were "dead in trespasses in sins" . But because God is rich in mercy and great love, he loved us even when we were dead in our sins and then made us alive in Christ by His grace (ephesians 2:4)

I was a dead woman and Jesus  loved me back to life.

I wonder what the cross smelled like?

Blood, sweat and tears mingled  and fell  from the cross like precious diamonds far beyond value.

The SO loved one said yes to all the earthly smells that were so alien to heaven- for those He so loved. You.

He made a way for us to come exactly as we are, be forgiven and start life over in a relationship with Him.

After 3 days he walked out of the tomb, destroying the very sting and stink of death.

He disappeared in the clouds back to the fragrances that belong only to heaven.

He always was, is and will forever be victorious.

 I wonder what heaven smells like?

Maybe Ate Lea knows.


Ate Lea and her bunso 2 weeks before she passed away.

Thank you to those partners who responded and made it possible for us to help the family.
 Pray for them.

Ate Lea reminded me just how fleeting life really is. It's short. It's uncertain. People don't like to think about death, but the fact is 10 out of 10 people die. I'm not trying to scare monger but instead writing this to remind myself that my life is like a vapor, a puff. I want to make the little time I have here count, living it for God- this thing called life is all His and all about Him. What grace, that one day when I take my final breath I will see Him face to face and be with Him for all eternity.
Of this I am certain and grateful.
 ^" All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God" Romans 3.23

^" For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3.16

"If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved" Romans 10.9 




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