The ramlings of a first time mummy's heart.

Blood shot eyes, jelly belly, milky vomit stained into an over sized t shirt and everything hurting from the neck down. It's not really the picture of maternal beauty I had seen in pregnancy magazines! The first  early morning with our new baby at home had began!  In a strange way- a very strange way it was kind of a beautiful thing as it was the sign that our lives had changed forever and our firstborn was here!

our first week together- sleepyheads!

We took our precious baby boy home 12 hours after I had given birth. Josiah Jack Domingo was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. When I held him for the first time and  his big brown eyes locked onto mine that was it! I was hook line and sinker SMITTEN.

I remember being overwhelmed that God had formed such a beautiful treasure and entrusted us with him! Imagine this tiny perfect bundle was a product of the love between my husband and I.A  bit of him and a bit of me! What grace!!

Yep! I can definitely say that carrying and giving birth to Josiah gave me a fresh revelation of Gods love and favour. But the thing is every day that passes, every new and sometimes seemingly insignificant thing our baby boy does just reinforces the goodness of God. Every precious baby born is totally unique. I am learning they  don't all go by the books and that's so brilliant because it shows the uniqueness and creativity of our God.

Yesterday was one of the most special moments of my life. Since we got married in the Philippines and gave birth out there we decided we would have the dedication of our son in Bonnie Scotland. One of the really lovely things about that was that I think for the first time ever all my friends and family were actually gathered in one place. It was really special for me and Ron and we were overwhelmed with the love and kindness shown. As I looked across all the faces as we led worship I just felt how incredibly blessed we are to have such special friends and family. Such a diverse and much needed bunch of people!  Without a doubt the most difficult thing about living at the other side of the world is leaving them behind.

my boys

During the service I felt captured by what an awesome thing it was to dedicate your baby by faith to the Father of all Fathers and give him back to the One who formed him.What an honour and what a challenge to get to have this amazing little guy in our lives every day. I see all the time Rons Daddy heart toward our boy.I love it! What a beautiful type of The Fathers love to His people.

This parenting journey is terrific and terrifying all at the same time. Surely only Abba Daddy could think this up!



I was reminded of a verse today that I haven't thought about for a while.


 Isaiah 49:15-16

 “Can a woman forget her nursing child,
And not have compassion on the son of her womb?
Surely they may forget,
Yet I will not forget you. See, I have inscribed you on the palms of my Hands....

There is such a strong bond when nursing.How could I ever forget Josiah? My brain has turned to total mush because I'm thinking of his every need. I spoke to friends who have older children and they tell me that actually your brain never fully recovers!  But really, how could I forget about my son? I have witnessed older mothers fervently have compassion on their sons. No matter what, they have never given up on them. They have faithfully cried and prayed for them and no matter what loved them. ding

I just can't get my heart around the thought that if I feel such powerful feelings of love in my imperfect state how must God feel?How must He love!

I don't think words can really describe properly the love in a mothers heart.But to me it feels like a fiery,  all consuming, ready to become a warrior to protect our child, ready to be anything to do the best for him, overwhelming unconditional kind of love. I don't even think that's even a proper sentence but I know you other mummy's get it!

How much more does God love me? I'm His child. He actually did demonstrate His love by making the ultimate sacrifice any  good parent would- He died in my place.He died so I could live. He was rejected so I would be accepted. He never forgets me. My mind just cannot grasp it but I pray my spirit would. What amazing love!

If my heart burns with love for Josiah and my hubby, how much more should it burn  with love for the One who gave them to me.

 If I could really feel His heart of love  as a reality every single day maybe then I could learn how to fufill my full potential as a mummy.

Just want to say a massive thank you to everyone who made the dedication day so special. x

BUT GOD.

Just thinking of friends and family who are going painful  situations just now. Sometimes there is nothing else to be prayed, sighed and hoped for except "BUT GOD"

I come with whys and don't understands

But God reminds me I'm safe in His hands,

My heart may feel weak and sometimes afraid

But God gently whispers His plans are still laid,

At times feel confused with uncertainly

But God comes again and says He loves me,

No matter the feeling, numbness or pain

There's a comfort in all- the But God remains.

I'm looking to others, their eyes full of sorrow

But God gives His hand-He holds their tomorrow,

Loved ones afflicted It seems so unjust

But God's in control  I must always trust,

In moments of fear tears are still shed

But God is my rest and by His hand I'm lead,

No matter how sad,weakened or drained

There's a constant, a surety- The But Gods don't change!

Barbie came to the dump site!

Walking in the swelltering heat doing house visits on the dump site we heard a mans voice shout from behind...
"Hey, she looks like Barbie!"
The comment was directed to a  very special volunteer that I'll try my best to tell you a wee bit about. :)

Barbie AKA Maureen, a 70 year old with the energy of a 17 year old came to volunteer with us 3 years ago. On her first visit she stayed for 6 months. She returned the following year for another 6 months.Then in 2011 she felt a pull in her spirit to do it again. She gave another year of her life to the work and left Manila yesterday.

Maureen came simply with a huge heart to serve. She had a willing spirit just to do whatever was needed- whenever. Throughout her time Maureen  got involved in a bit of everything. Here's some of what she got up to.( I'm sure I'll forget loads)

-Overseeing and helping train workers for our creche for 1-4 year old (brave lady- its nuts in there!)
-Helping out at the feeding program serving thousands of meals, cleaning little plates, holding little hands and bringing big smiles to children who often don't have much to cheer them up.
-Running the drama group
-Supporting at bible studies, prayer meetings and visitations
-Assisting at youth camps and field trips
-Leading art activities at kids clubs and drop in centre
-Doing a host of unglamouros but vital jobs such as  cleaning infested stockrooms, sorting donations, making paper decortaions, taking pictures for sponsors... and more cleaning!

I almost forgot dancing in front of a few hundred Filipinos at community concerts!

I could gibber on but you get the idea. She came to love and help out wherever we needed her to! She came to build relationships and really care. It was such a blessing to have an extra pair of hands and a listening ear around. She added to the team with her experience, creative ideas and Scottish banter!

I know Maureen won't mind me mentioning the fact that she was a little accident prone during her stay! There are a few incidents that come to mind but this is number one on the charts!
 She is the first volunteer to end up tumbling into a man hole thingy at the dump site resulting in her being covered in mud, squidge and whatever else was down there!. The ladies in Tondo thought they would help her out by hosing her down-with her clothes still on! Did Maureen complain being absolutly soaked by the locals?Not at all! She giggled all the day long!

There is loads more I could write about how fab Maureen is, but I'm doing this while our bouncing baba is napping so it has to be a little on the rushed side.

Maureen, our team, children, youth and mummy's in Tondo and Navotas love you and will really miss having you around. You are an amazing example of dropping everything to go on an unknown journey, stepping out in faith with Jesus and heeding the call to go and serve. I hope I have the same zeal and compassion that you have when I'm your age. (I know you don't mind me mentioning how many years young you are!) I pray I would have the same teachable spirit,always willing to learn and ever aware of  depending on the Saviour- as you are.

Thank you for being a great friend.

To anyone thinking about volunteering or going on short term mission-NEVER think you are too old! Don't be like so many and say "Oh I would love to do something like that". Take Maureens example... go and do it! If it's a desire in your heart, take a step of faith and let God work out the rest!

I don't want to be a clanging cymbal.

Show me how to really love

In a way that's strong and pure,

A selfless love that bears all

A love that's real and sure.

Teach me Lord a patient love

A love that suffers long,

Is pleased to wait for the sake of others

A love that brings a song.

A love suppressing envy

And is forever kind,

Expressed in action, not just words

I long this love to find.

In heart never self seeking

But desires just to give,

Never proud or quick to boast

I pray this love to live.

A love not easily angered

Is tolerant and forbears,

Keeps no records of others wrongs

Forgiveness willingly declares.

It does not delight in evil

But rejoices in the truth,

Is honorable, just and gracious

This love I want to prove.

                                                            
                                                           Inspired by 1 Corinthians 13

A place I cannot go...



2 weeks old in this pic



I am sitting watching our beautiful  4 month old baby boy sleep. Now and again he furrows his little brow.

I wonder what he's thinking?

His perfectly plump handsome face lights up even though his eyelids are closed- he smiles.

I wonder what he finds funny at this moment?

Sometimes a giggle. Sometimes a moan. I so want to know what he's dreaming of. What picture is he seeing in the land of Nod?

I realise I cannot really know, only guess. If  I could  just follow where he goes in his sleep. Turns out  that even though I'm with him 24 hours a day I cant really know absolutely everything about him after all. The one place I cannot physically be is in his dreams. Gosh! But I thought it was my job to be with him and protect him from everything?! Turns out- I cant.

Even before his  birth I gave him to Jesus.  Our children don't really belong to us. I'm learning they are a precious precious gift from God, whilst remaining completely HIS. What a mind blowing thought! God formed our too cute for words boy and gave Him to me and hubby to watch over. We are stewards of the most beautiful gift I have ever held. Totally beyond any value this world has to offer.

Josiah is designed by the master designer exactly the way He wanted Him- WOW! The parent of all parents has entrusted us with this bundle of fun- AMAZING.He  can watch over my son when I can't- even in dream land!

Father God sings melodies unheard of on earth over him....selah... pause..... how amazing is that??!!!

Arise generation no longer forsaken..

It can be heart breaking to watch young people we work with make really awful choices at times. Poverty can push the mind to the edge and cause a person to do desperate things.
It can be discouraging sometimes when you pour your time into a young man or woman and then watch as they make a decision that will change their life forever.

I heard a quote at a worship conference a few weeks ago that I haven't been able to get out of my mind;

"It's our job to do the hard work. It's God's job to do the HEART WORK"

So true.

Only God can change a heart. Only He can change a life. I've seen Him do it time and time again. Even if we had the best youth workers, the best ministry or program, the best of everything- Only God can change a heart. Only He can  penetrate the inner most thoughts and emotions.Only He turn a terrible situation into something good.

Only He can turn disaster to destiny.

Our job? To be faithful in doing the hard work. To keep praying,being there and loving the ones that have messed up. I thank God for true friends that stuck by me and prayed me through during times when I fell. I hope I would be that person for others. I pray for a mouth that speaks life over the most hopeless of situations. For eyes that would see potential in people. To see past the mess and envisage the majesty of Christ that could be displayed through them. For  determination  to stand strong in the battle against the enemy who comes about like a roaring lion trying to steal, kill and destroy lives. My Jesus came so that they could have life and have it more abundantly!

"Arise generation, no longer forsaken- arise- arise- arise"  (from a song by Jon Owens)
I sings it as a declaration over youth at both sides of the world tonight!

You know you live in the Philippines when... (bit of a random blog)

Since our baby boy is due day I am in the house more this week I have found time to write a bit of a random blog!


You know you're in the Philippines when;

• you see a sign above the sink in a public toilet saying "please do not wash your dishes here!"

• you go into a public toilet and no one flushes their used paper, but instead it's gathered in a pile at the side bin
• you see signs in public toilets saying "kindly please do not stand on the seat"
• you can't get a space to wash your hands because there is a row of pretty Filipina girls all brushing their teeth

• if you have the mumps you are advised to put blue food colouring on your face
• if you have a "sugat" (a cut/wound)and told  its not good to eat chicken, fish or beef but pork is ok
• advised that certain positions in child birth are "just for foreigners"
• you are told that some babies come out born " inside the plastic bag" (amniotic sack!)
•  the doctor sets her phone on vibrate to "tickle the baby" and then charges you a very expensive medical fee!

•  yes could sometimes mean... yes, no or maybe
• beginning an activity or meeting some one at 1pm could mean 1.30pm, 2pm or 3pm!
• road markings, sign posts or any kind of law are "just a suggestion"
•  you see signs such as "lady bed spacer wanted" or "roadworks in full swing"
• when you go into a store and you are warmly welcomed with a smile
•  you go into a store to look for a simple moisturiser and all you can find are whitening creams
• you can buy everything in miniature size- everything from toothpaste to soya sauce

 You know you've lived in the Philippines for some time when;

• you point with your lips and answer with your eyebrows
• mix up the letters P and F  and V and B
•  you don't hear something properly and your first expression is "ha?!"
• you don't feel you ate a proper meal unless it included rice
• when there's ants or other wee bugs in your cereal or jams and you eat it anyway
• eating out you draw a rectangle in the air and raise your eyebrows to indicate you are ready for the bill
• you change your accent depending on who you are talking to
• you always leave your shoes at the door before entering someones home (or your own)
• you think its normal to hear Christmas songs playing in the mall in September- think its normal to eat spaghetti with hot dogs at birthdays, christmas or any other celebration- when you think its normal to sing karaoke at anytime!
• when you sometimes think in Tagalog, feel like you blend in and wonder why people point and say "look, she is white"!

Just have to say I love the people in this country. I love the quirks in the culture (most of the time!) It's home :)

A baby left in the trash

A new born baby was found dead in a heap of trash in the community where our ministry base is in Tondo. The tiny body discarded and thrown in the middle of a pile of garbage only a few buildings away from ours. Some of the women in the community  told us today no one knows the circumstances surrounding this tragedy, or at least no one is telling....

Could he have been stillborn and the family unable to afford a place of burial?

-That's common. Some of the children have shared with tear stained faces how their parents had no money to pay for a place for their younger siblings to be laid and so they made a humble coffin from food cartons.

Maybe it was a teenager who was terrified of her family knowing she was pregnant?

-For every young girl that gives birth there are more who abort their babies. The women speak quite openly of "home remedies" they concoct that are intended to kill the baby growing inside of them.

Could not afford to feed another child?

-There have been many abandoned babies and even older children left around the dump site area. Some women have been caught trying to sell their babies or give them away. Some of them feel a love for their baby and would choose to keep them. But  like several mothers we know who already have between 9-16 children and in spite of their efforts struggle to provide, the thought of another mouth to feed drives them to the brink.

Whatever the reason was it's just devastating. Is life so cheap that a precious gift of God could simply be valued as the same worth as rotten decaying trash? My heart cries out for justice and mercy. Lord.. heal this land. You are the only hope.

This situation and others like it show how much has still to be done in the community. The people need Jesus... the restoring, healing, unfailing love and mercy of Jesus. In our minds it's tempting to become overwhelmed and  easily conclude the problems are too big, the need is too much, its pointless and hopeless...

BUT GOD.

It's says in the word  that there is a bowl full of the prayers of the saints (Revelation 5:8) .  A bowl full and becoming fuller with the prayers of the people of God. Oh that God would pour out that bowl and release the answered prayers for this community and others like it. I am challenged. I should be before God day and night crying out in prayer for the people. Oh to have a heart that would not relent in seeking God for change.

Lord... heal this land.

Now HOPE does not disappoint...

"Now hope does not disappoint..." Romans 5:5

This  jumped out the pages at me this morning. If we could give or do nothing else for poverty stricken communities it would still be so worth bringing them hope. If every ministry/charity suddenly ran out of all finances and could not continue any kind of programs, it would still be worth going to the people and reflecting hope. Hope should be at the core  of everything we do.

Hope changes a heart. It gives life to dead eyes. It energizes a person to live another moment. Hope reveals a way out , gives a purpose and urges us not to give up.

Hope gently whispers... hang on for one more minute.

If a person sees even a glimmer of the true hope that God gives, they will take another breath, take another step and find the strength to go on.

If hope is rooted deep within us, it cannot be stolen  by anything or anyone. People can disappoint. Organisations can disappoint. Circumstances can disappoint. HOPE  does not disappoint-I'm thankful for hope!

Accidently on purpose

Just thinking about how I want to live a life with purpose. I hope when I'm elderly I don't look back and remember the "good old days". I hope by Gods grace I would be living a life with meaning.It's amazing and totally humbling that God would give us a purpose much greater than ourselves. True fulfilment is living in His purpose- in His will. How beautiful that when God places a purpose in our hearts, it becomes our own. He plants His desires in our hearts, making them our desires too.

Sometimes the life we have mapped out for ourselves is so small compared to what the Lord has in store for us. We have our own ideas at times, but when we grasp a God dream everything changes.........Everything.

I can think back to times in my life when I had one plan and God had another and His have always been far superior and more wonderful. Such grace.  When Ron and I came to the Philippines in 2007 we had a plan to stay for a few months  and then go back to live in Scotland. We have quite often used the term "accidental missionary's"to describe ourselves. There was no strategy to start any kind of ministry or any kind of organisation. No thought at all in fact. But God had another plan. He had a purpose. So really we are "accidentally on purpose missionary's".How humbling is that! Who knows how many more years we will be here or what the future holds, but as the old song says "I know who holds the future and I know who holds me hand". I'm so glad I know my saviour holds our future in His unshakable, irremovable, loving hand.

I pray by Gods grace whatever the path holds,whatever he asks us to do or wherever He asks us to go we will obey with purpose. I was thinking if everything changed somehow what an awesome honour it's been to work with the families in the squatter communities. I'm grateful that throughout my life God has guided my steps. I can honestly say I have never worked in a place that just felt like a job.There's always been a sense of purpose. I'm so thankful for that.God has been so good. Everywhere He has opened doors I have loved working. What a lovely daddy I have!  How precious that even in the seasons where its tough  that God  has a purpose in the hardships. He can take a time of brokenness and weave it into something beautiful. His purpose is always for our good.

God has a purpose for you today and everyday of your life.

"To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven" Ecclesiastes 3:1