A "Gads" to my own "Crabbitness"!

It always takes a few weeks to adapt to living in Scotland again. It's just very different from the Philippines. There are lots of things I love about my country and about being back.
- living near family and friends
- parks to walk in and fresh air
-lots of baby friends and activity groups for Josiah
-food!!
-family churches and fellowship with faithful friends


There is something that I hate about being back though
- I seem to get more *crabbit!

*crabbit is a word in Scottish slang which means- grumpy, irritable, negative...


I hear myself complain far more in Scotland than Manila. You would have to ask my hubby if that is really true and because he is so sweet he would make excuses for me, but i think if pushed to he would also agree! I find myself thinking about myself far more than in the Philippines. I catch myself being negative about things and feel so ashamed because I should know better! Working with families who live in a dump site and cemetery, we see real suffering all the time. They of all people have the right to complain and be negative and yet- they don't!!

Someone asked us the other day which country is easier  to live in. The answer is definitely Scotland. There are not the same financial concerns. There is support practically, but more importantly emotionally from family and friends. There are systems in place in schools and health care that make everyone equal.. and much more. It's easier for our family here because we only really have to think of ourselves and our own needs most of the time in comparison to living in Manila, running a ministry and constantly thinking of the needs of hundreds of people.
But easier- is not necessarily better!
Could my moaning have something to do with being wrapped up in my own needs instead of serving others? What I have learned is that when you pour yourself out for others sometimes to the point of really sacrificing your wants- you not only don't have time to complain the same, but you actually find joy!
I really hope this is not coming across as if I'm trying to be all saintly! I'm really not. It's just a fact that when we purposely step out to help someone in need, we don't think about ourselves as much! But the truth is, there is need everywhere! Not just in the slums of Manila, but here in my wee hometown of Kilmarnock too.

This morning I went a walk with Josiah to the shop to buy some food and at the height level of  a child, newspapers with naked women on the front page. When we went  to buy petrol for the car t the other day- a row of tasteless magazines. I felt so sad as I thought how this is just the norm in the culture here. My heart was grieved as I thought about Josiah growing up to be in a society where this was accepted as OK. The truth is, its not OK! It's definitely not OK.In fact, there are lots of things about our liberal culture that are not OK, but I will save my ranting for another blog (or not!) It just made me sad and made me think that there is as much need in my own hometown. Different kinds of needs, but need none the less.
Last week when I went into town, the first 4 shop assistants greeted me with the same response:
"It's a miserable day isn't it?!!They were referring to the fact that it was cold and raining.It kind of made me giggle as I thought how Filipino shop assistants are usually so positive and welcoming to the point that it's extreme at times!
As I continued and walked with Josiah through the "mall" I couldn't help but notice so many faces marred with the mask of drug and alcohol addiction.

There are people who are hurting all around the world.There are people who are hurting living in every street in Kilmarnock. There are people going through really difficult situations amongst my own family and friends. There may not be starving children coming to my door, but there are people starving for love who need Jesus.I should have no excuse to moan or be so selfish.

For those non Scottish dialect speaking readers "gads" is a word used to describe something horrible/smelly/dirty. Isn't our old nature just that?! I'm glad the Lord forgives when we fall into moments of "crabbitness"- moment of selfishness.
So this is not really a blog for anyone else.No deep thoughts or lovely revelations, but instead a reminder to myself to let go of the "gads" in me and let God work in my heart more! The fact is, no matter where I am on the globe, my need to cling to the Lord Jesus should not waver! I'm glad He is unchanging. I'm thankful He is constant. His love never fails.His forgiveness available. His grace on constant supply. Oh how he loves us... even when we are very unlovable!