Don't lose heart.

Maybe you read my blog a couple of weeks ago mentioning a little boy called Winmar whom we met for the first time that day. He was sick and very undernourished. With a heavy heart I share with you that he never made it.
As soon as we met the family that day we knew it was a desperate situation. Our team at Kalayaan Community Ministries done everything to try to help. Covered the daily food needs of the family, paid for medicines and hospital fees and included him in our feeding program for malnourished.

But we found him too late.

What if  this family had come to us even a few weeks before? Would it have made a difference?
Only God knows.

In moments like these it doesn't matter how many people's lives we are helping.
- one child dead through the effects of poverty is one too many.

The little boy who died was the same age as my son Josiah. 2 and a half years old.

The mother loved her son. I love my sons.
She breast fed to provide him with the most sustenance he could have even though she herself was lacking nutrition. I breast feed too.
The mother wanted the best for him. Wanted him to grow up happy, healthy and live a life of purpose. That's my desire also.

So what's the gaping chasm of a difference?

Her son was born into poverty on a rubbish dump. Mine was not.

Right now my sons are lying here beside me fast asleep on a comfortable bed, clean, healthy with full bellies.

Our Josiah and Eli

Her son lies in a tiny white casket in the ground because his frail body was so undernourished with lack of food that he just could not fight the measles and pneumonia anymore.

Winmar doing his "best smile"

After 6 years of looking into open caskets, I can never and will never get used to seeing dead children. When you have seen them laugh and play and live and then view them motionless, pale and without expression- words cannot describe. Looking in to see the body of a loved one is a sign of respect to the family and a cultural norm. I don't think it will ever feel normal for me.

Just a few weeks ago we were able to help "save" a little boys life  who was on our feeding program for the most malnourished in the community. He too was diagnosed with measles and pneumonia.

baby Caleb with Mama Jane after he got out hospital a few weeks ago. We thank God he's doing great now.

 

The only difference?
We found him much sooner and have been working with the family for more than a year already.

It's been a challenging few weeks for various reasons and very sad week with 2 deaths of people we loved and knew in the community.
Yes, good and positive things have happened too, but when you are in this kind of work for the long hall losing people that you have poured out everything to try to help is just heart crushing.

When you really invest your time, resources and life in a certain community of people- you will laugh with them- you will weep with them. You will share their highest of highs and their lowest of lows because they become your family.

Ron just got home late from the dump site to find me perched at the side of the bed.

I was thinking about several of the families situations and just talking to God.
With honesty and pain in my heart and voice I mumbled to my husband;

"there is so much need in that place"

He replied

"and it's our privilege to be there"

My husband is right.

I love his heart.

I stay home with our boys while he is on the field. He sees more heartbreak than me now. Hears more stories that seem so horrific you would think they are from some movie. But they are very real.
He never gives up on people. No matter the setbacks- he keeps loving them. No matter the sacrifice, he keeps helping them. He does so many things to help people in that community and out with it, that no one even hears about and that's the way he likes it to be. He doesn't like to be in pictures. He just loves, helps and demonstrated what the gospel is about when no eyes are on him.

My husband is right.
 Being here, knowing this community and sharing their deep sorrows as well as their great joys is a privilege. And I  must remember this during the times I dare to grumble and moan about my own challenges.

After time with my husband, I kept thinking about this verse and its been burying itself deep into my being since i read it again-


And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. (Galatians 6:9)

I personally don't think that losing heart means you have lost the passion or you are so overcome with challenges that you want to quit. I think it can mean that sometimes your heart gets so weighed down with the sorrows and burdens of suffering that your mind, emotions and spirit become weak and you  question whether you are being effective at all.

There's another translation of this verse that says  "for in due season we shall reap if we faint not".

So how can we (I) make sure we "faint not" or  don't "lose heart"?
- For me the application is twofold;
1. Take it ALL to Jesus. Give it ALL to Him.. Get refreshed by being with Him. Sit alone and pour it all out to Him- the challenges, the tears, the burdens, the hopes, the dreams, the successes and the failures. Don't try and make it sound pretty. Tell it like it is. He already knows!
2: Don't listen to the lies of the enemy when he tells you , you are not making a difference. Get around people who can encourage you and lift your heart.

I found this verse resonate with my heart as a mummy too. Mother hood is a ministry- a marvelously, joyful, chaotic, challenging and at times frustrating one. Anyone agree?!

 I think in particular if you are a stay at home mum you go through "those days". Your day is filled with tasks that sometimes feel unimportant. But they are not! Each act is a way of caring , loving, nurturing our children. Through some of the days that may feel really long and are exhausting, remember the bigger picture. This verse says, if we don't lose heart we will reap.
Reap- to gather in, to get a result, to see a great harvest!

So whatever your tasks are today. Whatever the challenges you are facing. Whoever you are reaching out to or whoever you are carrying the burdens for-
DON'T LOSE HEART.

Some days suffering can only be expressed in tears and prayer.

 Being here is both heartbreaking and a privilege. Sometimes the things we see and the stories we hear from the families we know are difficult to properly communicate. Some days I can't bring myself to share them and some days I feel like I must try to write it down in hope that someone reading would feel compelled to remember the people here who seem forgotten by their own country at times.

10.30am: rushed into ministry base to set up activities and toys for mama and toddlers group on the rubbish dump
Feeling a little stressed (as we got stuck in traffic) but happy to be there

11am
Mothers and babies filled the room and began playing with toys and chatting on the floor as babies crawled, rolled, ran, played with toys on every available space!

I began going around the ladies, sitting on the floor with them chatting, listening to how their week had been and reminding myself that I really need to find time to work on my tagalog because I still sound like a pre-schooler when I talk!
As I moved from group to group, listening , talking , laughing  with the Mamas I saw a much older lady whom had never been. She was holding a 4 month old boy. I thought she must have had a miracle baby because she looked really quite old! Turned our she was the Lola (gran) who was looking after the little boy.

The baby had no diaper and when he urinated he began to cry. Then the gran lifted his faded, tattered yellow t shirt to show me.
His private parts were raw. I mean raw. His skin was bright reddish- almost purple. His skin was peeling off. His rashes were so awful that when he urinated it hurt so bad. He cried for a long time.
Some of the mothers are not able to afford diapers and so do their best by cutting up flour sacks as a replacement. With the best of intention to make a diaper, it often rubs the skin so raw and the urine has no where to soak into.
In my life I have never seen diaper rash like that. I went to the stock room to get cotton to clean him, diaper and sudocream. Ron had his hands covered in ink trying to fix the printer when I came in. I looked at him and my eyes filled with tears. I stood with him for a moment to get myself together and returned to the ladies.

I shuffled across to another group of women who are very talkative. One was saying how breast feeding made her really hungry and the others were laughing and admiring how she gained weight in her cheeks.She looked much healthier than usual and used to be really skinny. One of the newer mothers to the group then began asking advice about worms.
She shared how her child had so many worms that they had started coming out of his mouth and ears. Almost all of the babies in that group have worms. That's why it's important we do  de -worming or serve food that has provokes natural de -worming.
Can you imagine how scary it would be to see worms coming out of your child's nose and mouth?

I spotted a mother sitting a little away from any of the others. She wasn't a regular. I sat beside her to get to know her and apologized for asking her to repeat so many times. I noticed her baby boy seemed very dazed and weak. He was recovering from measles. She was really worried as he had lost so much weight and had no energy. She said he was a "smiley faced baby a few weeks ago". Mama Lourdes was so worried he had become so very thin.
 I never knew until later that our feeding team had already included him in our feeding for malnourished where he will be fed twice every day. We prayed over him and I hope with my heart he gets his appetite back soon. The lack of life in his eyes pierced through me.

He was the same age as Josiah. He was so very frail.

After talking to her some more, 3 of us accompanied her to her home. It's further down from our base a little. In one of the areas that are more flooded and the trash is pilled in deep deep mush. As we entered her home, we met her husband. He was bent over in a chair holding his side. He just got out of hospital from a liver operation yesterday. He cannot work until recovered meaning the family has no income.
The others ladies told me later they have seen her lately picking food from the trash so she can feed her children.

We heard a sweet voice call "Mama. Mama"
Up the narrow planks of wood we climbed to meet her daughter. Her name is Jennalyn. She is 9 and has hydrocephalus.  She lies on the floor all day now because she is too heavy for the mother to carry downstairs. She had one blanket that was soaked in her urine because the parents could not afford diapers that week. I say this with no disrespect to the family- they had no choice. We stayed with her a long time. She is a beautiful child. Smiley and talkative.

I looked at this mother and wondered how she was able to cope with so many burdens. She told me about each one of her 8 children. She never asked for any help but we could all see she needs it. Her situation is desperate. Really desperate.

Loudes who is going through so much suffering LOVING her son Winmar and saying " its so sad for my baby"
 

Later when filling my husband in, I teared up again. There are some days that just break your heart more than others. It's not just a cry of sadness. It's like a heavy thud of impact trough the heart- a feeling of burden and a deep cry to do something to help. A cry that motivates you to action.
Seeing human suffering hurts. Really hurts.
Many people have honestly admitted to us "I just couldn't do what you are doing. It would be so hard to see"
Yes. It is hard to see .But  it's not about us. It's about the ones who are in the middle of the pain. What are our difficulties and challenges compared to the ones they are living?
There is no comparison.

Helping others is not about feeling good. Visitors sometimes say "it must be so rewarding"

On many days- it's not rewarding at all.

However it is amidst the heartache- an honour.

An honour to have the chance to serve Jesus by loving who He loves. An honour to have a chance to alleviate suffering. An honour to be used by the grace of God as an instrument to touch and change a life for the better.

Ron was just saying to me that people who say "it must be so rewarding" often stay inside the "bubble" that Kalayaan Community Ministries has created. People have expressed the church and community center feel like a "bubble", A "safe house"- a place that people from the rubbish dump can come and "escape" for a while. When you step out of that bubble, you quickly realize that there are many many many people still suffering, still in need of help, in need of hope and in need of Jesus.

This blog is a little all over the place, but just felt I had to try to process and share some of the day. Because I am mostly at home with my babies now, I find seeing the pain of peoples lives more heart wrenching. After years, human suffering does not get easier to be around. I pray God will never let my heart become hard and that I never ever get  used to seeing it.
We should never get used to seeing injustice.
Never.

When we came back from house visits I went into our prayer room to back up my husband who was leading worship. My heart and spirit were re-filled loving Jesus with residents of the community, children and adults singing and lifting up their voices in prayer.
With whispers of love to, songs of thankfulness and tears crying for justice for their families and neighbors.
Two of the mothers who had just accompanied me  to  meet some needs were now lifting up their voices to God for they situations. With tears of compassion asking Jesus to bring hope, help and healing to the families we had reached out to that day.

After house visits the women came into the prayer room to intercede for those suffering in their community.

Maybe it seems like the country has forgotten the people here, but I know that I know God has not.

https://www.facebook.com/KalayaanMinistries