Burdened until sunrise.

Some days spent in Manilas slums reveal new levels of corruption, injustice and suffering. They leave the heart with a burden and travailing to keep labouring in the communities we are called to. But Oh how we need God to break through even more.

Part of our ministry is just walking around the dump site sitting with, listening and getting to know peoples stories. This is how we find desperate ones, brave ones, forgotten ones, strong ones. This is how we find who to respond to next. Every time I am aware that God directs our steps.
We often say we think we have seen it all and then we find another toxic layer of issues.

I truly believe God in His grace reveals them in His time because He knows when we are ready to bare them, even if we don't feel that way.

Yesterday I went out walking with 2 of the young women to visit families that were living in the flood areas. Black, filthy, stagnant water covered every crevice of ground in that particular part of the community. All of a sudden  I had a prompting from within to leave my team mates and walk through a dimly lit underpass. My purple rubber boots squelched through the stinking black fluid.
Everything was grey apart from the flashes of white  from the children's smiles, like little stars dotted around a black sky.

"Take a picture of me Ate Jo!"

My feet kept moving forward and then I noticed I was in a corner at a dead end. It's still near our center, but I  have never been in this cove before. I couldn't work out how I had never found this place even though we have been very near it. Suddenly someone touched my hair from the back. I turned to find a girl staring at me. Peering through the broken wooden frame on her shanty.

"Bota Bota." (Boots Boots)

We had been giving out tickets for adults living in the floods to come and get rubber boots. I noticed the young girls speech was slurred. She seemed to have additional support needs.

"What's your name" I asked in tagalog.

"Pheobe"

Pheobe

Then another head popped out from behind the door of their tiny make shift home. A beautiful smile and  then  a high pitch voice "I'm Beline" .
She too seemed to have additional support needs. They are sisters, 24 and 14.

"Picture tayo Ate!" (lets take a picture big sister)
 

Beline

I stood with the girls on their doorstep for a long time. It's a quiet little cove. Only one other neighbor who was 8 months pregnant on the ground hand washing clothes.  A little later, a cousin joined us who I know a  bit from our mothers group. She told me that Pheobe and Beline had never been to school and have stayed inside their house most of their lives.
Later I asked around our team and  residents in the same area to see if I could find out more. It was extremely disturbing to me that not one of the mothers, young people or children knew who they were or had ever seen them.

Ever.

"KCM. KCM" (the name of our ministry) Beline had been saying pointing to the  butterfly logo on my t shirt. The cousin told me they always asked to come along but no one would take them. Brenda and Clarissa, youth leaders gave them a florescent pink rubber boot ticket. They were SO excited and an hour later they were sitting in our hall. The father was also there, sitting quite a distance from his daughters. Ron shared the gospel with him. Pheobe and Beline were beside me, giving spontaneous hugs and asking peoples names. Beline kept talking about how big the bananas were in the province and that there are no bananas or money since they moved to Tondo. This seemed important to her and impressed on her memory.

If you are a believer and are reading this, I urge you to remember these girls in prayer. Im asking you to pray as we begin the first stage of building relationship with the parents and get to know more of the girls story. Im asking for prayer that the parents would have open hearts to allow us to provide opportunities for the sisters to be involved in programs and integrated into the community.

Within this culture people with additional needs are often hidden, in particular children. Not always, but very often. Lack of education, wrong so called religious teaching and lack of acceptance means parents are often ashamed. There is an obvious lack of respect and dignity to people who seem different. I find this frustrating and very difficult to understand. It's a huge issue.

Through the night God laid a heavy burden on my heart for these sisters and some of the others we visited that day;
- a mother beaten by her husband who thought it was okay
-a little boy who's baby sister had just died
-a family who was squandering money on gambling while their children were hungry
- a teenage boy who had dropped out of school because of struggles with his gender and was depressed
- an old widow who was riddled with TB who pushes a heavy trash cart just to get enough food

I was burdened in prayer until sunrise about these situations, but mostly about my new friends Pheobe and Beline. The previous night Ron was burdened throughout the night about the great horrors happening to Christians in Iraq at this time. What is a burden actually I was thinking?

I think a burden is when Gods emotions and Gods heart collide with us.

I think it's when we feel a tiny bit of what He feels. He impresses it on us so that we will intercede on their behalf and be compelled to do something about injustice.

"Burdened- required to yield to a vessel having right of way"

 "Burden- that which is carried or borne out of difficulty"

Labor- Uncomfortable and painful. Sometimes quick. Sometimes long, but with the fruit of a  beautiful new life.

Often our team and residents come to the house of prayer to pour out, travail in prayer and cry to God about all the injustices we are confronted with on a daily basis. Always His peace and beautiful presence breaks through ,strengthening our hearts. I love this room. There is both much suffering and joy here.We travail and intercede on behalf of the horrors we find in the community and we rejoice as God births new dreams  and responses in us.Through worship and loving Him we know that we know that He has it all control. Nothing comes as a surprise to Him.

Ate Nora travailing in prayer for the injustices in her community

He knows their story before he leads our feet through the mud to learn them and respond to them.


Being here is both uncomfortable and painful at times as well as being an honor. But we must keep pressing on. There is also much joy in being here. Jesus is still in the business of totally transforming  lives! And whether we see the rewards of our labor in this life or the next it is worth it.

I am learning in this place that we cannot have the joy without the suffering and the suffering without the joy. Like twins they must remain side by side for change to be birthed.

HE IS WORTH IT.

"And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night?" (luke 18:7)

I either believe it or i don't!

Don't know what was in the air, but I found my boys extra exhausting today!

My darling free spirited toddler seemed to be testing boundaries- a lot!
My sweet sunshine baby only wanted to physically cling to me all day!

Doing house chores and cooking are a lot more challenging with a very heavy bubba on your hip... and you only have one hand to do it all! As I inwardly complained about washing dishes and chopping sweet potatoes with one hand, I was reminded that one day, quite soon he will be too big to carry. These moment (however mad they are) will become a memory.

Finally 8pm (on the dot) came and Eli went down to sleep. I thought Josiah was also in the land of nod and so i lit a candle, got out my bible and journal to de-stress BUT then my handsome husband came and said "he only wants you darling"! Sheesh!

"I have nothing left to give" I moaned to my hubby from the top of the stairs. Sitting on top of Josiahs guitar covered bed spread I thought immediately. Wait a minute! That's not true! I do have more to give because I have a God whose grace is right now sufficient. More than enough and Christ and His Spirit are dwelling in me.

I either believe it or I don't!

I'm not really a worrier, but there are times (like today) I think- "God, You really need to  kind of step in about NOW!"

Some of the things our team at Kalayaan Community Ministries are currently doing in the dump site and cemetery community are;
- Feeding a minimum of 1520 hot meals per week to under nourished children.
-Sending wonderful young people from the slums through private colleges and universities
-Delivering food crisis parcels to more families than ever
-Empowering Mothers and Fathers to establish businesses so as they could support their own families
-Financing hospital fees and medicines for those in emergency situations
-Facilitating several children's, youth ministries and young leaders training days.
... and a load of other things, not including the boring stuff like paying electric and water bills at our community based centers.

"God, You kind of need to step in about NOW"
 
You know what? I believe He will.
You know why? Because we have seen Him do it countless times before.
You know how? Through the kindness of friends and partners who are moved with compassion and also in totally mind blowing miraculous ways.

His provision is enough and His timing is perfect.

I either believe it or I don't!

"Todays bread is enough bread
  Todays grace is enough grace
  Todays God is MORE THAN enough God" (A.Voskamp)

I either believe it or I don't.

I REALLY TOTALLY DO!

"And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. " (2 Corinthians12:9)

(One of my life verses)

SUFFICIENT- ENOUGH to meet the needs of a situation or a proposed end.



Worry replaced with worship yesterday- photo credit KCM partner Thomas Tham

Headache.

A headache of desperation to get to Jesus
A pounding inside to shut everything else, everyone else out and go to the secret place,
My time has been consumed today with many things, but not much with the One
- The One my soul needs.

By candlelight i sit now with nothing to distract- but The One
Where I'm born to be.
Here. Just here.
You should be priority-always
Without abiding I cannot be a good wife, mother, missionary or anything!

I need Your beauty to strip away the rottenness of my heart
Your love that flips my whole world upside down.

Thank you!
You always make yourself available for little me
With the most patient eyes I have ever known, You pierce though me to the core You created.

I need you Real.

Little i. Big You.

I'm NOT tired!

Another chance to finish a blog I started ages ago!

____________________________________________

 A cute, but VERY grumpy, particularly sensitive, over emotional and loud toddler.
This boy NEEDS a nap!

"But IM NOT TIRED. I don't like to nap. I don't want to rest. I DONT LIKE REST!."
(emphasis Josiahs!)

More crying, more shouting and within 10 minutes he was..... in a peaceful sleep!

Even my bubba Eli sometimes fights sleep when he's tired. What's that all about?!

Josiah reminded me how we sometimes are with our Abba Daddy in heaven. How silly that we sometimes  think we can get through even a day without resting and being refreshed in Him. How silly to think we have what it takes to get through all the challenges a day brings without abiding in Him.

In spite of my toddlers very confident protests and opposition about resting, I knew he really really did need to rest. His lack of nap time was THE cause of all the more intense outbursts, lack of self control and general crankiness.

If we don't get time with God and our minds renewed by His word  we can sometimes end up with very "un-Christian" outbursts!  For me if I don't make time with God first thing in the morning I'm done for!

Since becoming a mum I am so much more aware that I need God all through the day. I need to talk to Him, dipping in and out of conversation all through the day.  Inviting Him into everything, every part of my day.
I learned that as a parent "quite times" and the secret place are neither really as quiet or as secret! I went through a season of feeling really frustrated  when I couldn't get time to pray alone. Then one day I felt so released as the Spirit revealed something to me.

I had this impression that I should be taking the boys with me into the secret (now not so secret) place. I should just sit with Jesus- sing, talk, listen and read with the boys around. So a while back that's what I started to do and I found (to my surprise) that the boys somehow picked up on the atmosphere (for a little while at least) and I could abide without being pulled at too much! A few times Josiah has joined in singing what I'm singing or bringing his own picture bible to the kitchen table. I was so blessed!

God wants us to meet with Him in every season of our lives. He wants to be involved in it all. How special is that?!

When I was a teenager I sometimes would baby sit for my friend that had 7 children. Yes 7!  I remember her saying on a few occasions about doing  "mountain top prayers". If I'm not mistaken she was referring to how Jesus would go up a mountain and pray short prayers to the Father and then come back down and continue with ministering to people. As mums, we need  to be copying Jesus and having us  a lot of mountain top prayers! Through the crazy busyness that a day brings we can have conversations back and forth with the creator of the universe- our Daddy God.

Our mission fields are where we step (or are pulled) out of bed
- our homes
- our work
- our neighborhood
- or a foreign land

So we all have a mission field. But how distorted if we think we can prove faithful to them without being with Jesus.  Isn't it all so wrong if we are working for Him, even talking about Him but not actually talking to Him that much?

He's a God of relationship and he desires us to love Him and talk to Him. Amazing!

Josiah re- reminded me of one of my life verses. A passage I find myself continually coming back to again and again. I feel I can never read it too much;

"I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing" John 15:5

How mind blowing that Christ wants to abide in us and even wants us to abide in Him so that much fruit can be shown through us. Amazing!

I can do nothing  without Him!

An angel joined us for breakfast.

( A blog I scribbled a couple of months ago, but only got around to kind of editing)

My two boys eating cereal at the kitchen table and worship music streaming live from the International House Of Prayer in the background.

Josiah-"A rainbow Mummy!"

Me- "Where outside?" Then I focused my attention back to Eli who was rubbing his breakfast into his newly washed  hair.

(A moment or two later)

Josiah- "Mummy, a rainbow!"

Me- "Where? Did you see one out the window?"

This time I got up out my chair and looked out of the window. I haven't seen many rainbows in Manila.

Josiah -"NO Mummy, THERE" pointing to the far corner of the living room

Josiah- "The angel has a violin and singing 'Our God is Stronger'"

I almost chocked on my toast! Did my son just tell me he saw a rainbow, violin playing, singing angel?!!!

Yes, I guess he did!!

He then went back to eating his breakfast.

__________________________________________


A few weeks later we were having snack time and Josiah out of the blue said;

"I'm just watching the ballet dancer Mummy" transfixed on a vacant space in the center of the living room.

"He is doing like this with His wings. " ( makes imaginary wings with his two arms and spins around)

You might be thinking -  what a good imagination that child has or you may be thinking what a weird kid!

 I remember years ago my Pastor in Scotland said that he believed sometimes children saw things in the supernatural realm that we miss.I started to think about why this might be.

Josiah is not mature enough to deliberate about his description might be received. I'm sure he does not yet have the capacity to think " if I share this with  mum I might look like a fool!"

Children tell it like it is. They say what they see, ignorant about skepticism and without practice at being cynical.   The are trusting, have simple faith, tender hearts and humility.
They have not yet learned how to be egocentric. There's an innocence and purity .... well most of the time! :)

We as adults on the other hand may doubt, question much more, care about what others may think or say.
When did we lose that  care free abandonment not to be concerned about the judgment of others? When did we last take a risk by saying something true and crazy about loving Jesus?
What was the last thing we spoke that came from a truly humble heart?
Do we trust our heavenly Father with our whole hearts enough to simply have faith in His promises no matter what our circumstances say?


Did my little boy see two angels?
Maybe not- but maybe!

I have no problem believing he did.


God used my son to give me a reminder lesson about being childlike. I mean Jesus must have been trying to tell us something when he was asked who was the  greatest in the kingdom of heaven-



"At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”
Then Jesus called a little child to Him, set him in the midst of them,   and said,
“Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven.   Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven"

(Matthew 18: 1-4)

I wonder how many things we miss out on because our hearts are not always in that place of becoming like a little child? How many blessings   have we not received because we do not humble ourselves as we should?

So grateful for God using these two wee men to teach me continually!