Our mission is not our identity.

Being a missionary Mama is a privilege, but it's not my identity.
Doing ministry in the slums of Manila with a lovely husband and special team, a privilege, but not my identity.

"Be willing to stay forever and Be willing to go in a moment"

This was the advice I was given years ago from a man who had ministered in Romania. I asked him if there was one piece of advice he could give, what it would be.
I appreciate more now why it was such good advice.

What we do, is not the sum of who we are.

My identity is in Christ.

If we lose focus on Jesus and make our mission our world- it's an idol

If we give up all our time with Jesus because people "need our help"- they are an idol.

Christ wants to be first.

The greatest commandment, out of everything He could have said?

He asks us to LOVE HIM FIRST then LOVE OTHERS.

We must do both, but we must strive to put Him where He deserves to be in our lives- really first.

When we first arrived in Manilas largest dump site, I just wanted to respond. But in honesty in that first season I got it wrong. Without knowing it at the time I was putting people, "Gods work" before God.
The result? We felt burned out really quickly!
Why? Because you can only give away what you get from being with Jesus.
When you are with Jesus and know His heart, His direction, you don't have to struggle to make things work- He shows You one step at a time what to do and with that comes His peace.

Ministry, mission, a calling- is NOT about us!
It's about God.

I think we missionaries know this in theory but I'm sad to say that I have witnessed many times where the ministry becomes that persons identity. It consumes who they are. Their whole lives would be totally devastated if they had to leave their mission. Stepping away and letting someone else lead what they have built would be soul destroying-identity destroying. Gods' work no longer becomes about God, it becomes about them.

Instead of getting their worth in who Christ is and who He says they are, they get their identity in their work.

Scary stuff! But challenging, how very many times have I put other things before God?!

We are all disposable. It's not about us. God used people before us and He will use people after us. When? No clue. It's up to Him.


A few people have been asking us since the relocation of the Navotas Cemetery Community was relocated if we are so sad.
I am sad for my friends who have to start over. I am sad they will miss their neighbors greatly. I am sad they are facing new challenges. I am sad I may no longer see some of them again.

Am I sad, we no longer have a church there or able to run community programs there?
No, because its not about us.

None of it is about us.

God has allowed the relocation and I believe with all my heart He will do a new thing in the lives of the people. He has delivered them from the tombs. He is giving them a new start. Many challenges, yes, but I know He will be with them and lead His people each step of the way. The good news of who He is will spread. Not one more baby will be born among they tombs.

The families are resilient and creative, they will find new ways to live. I have heard of Pastors rushing to the relocation sites to hang on to their church. But it's not their to hang on to really is it? 

Im not saying it's wrong to set up at the relocation sites. Support is clearly needed in some,but I think its arrogant to assume that the people "wont survive" without ministries or NGOS.
For us, if God asks us to begin a work at the relocation sites, we will. If He doesn't, we wont. Same goes for when the dump site is demolished. We have learned never to try to plan this far ahead! But what comfort that none of it will be a surprise to God!

I'm embarassed to say I have witnesses in some organizations a kind of ownership of people and sad to say even in Christian ministries.  This is not how it's ment to be! They are not "our families", "our beneficiaries" , "our" anything! They are people God made whom we have the privilege to know and partner with, whether a short or long season.

People are not ours! Communities are not ours.
Organizations that we even establish and lead are not ours.

Our aim must be leading people to follow Jesus whether we are there or not. Not followers of people , of churches or organizations- of JESUS. 

In our missions we must remember that we are here to build for Gods kingdom- for His Glory- not to build an empire for ourselves or for others to see.

It's all about God and if we have a chance to play a tiny tiny part , helping support the  communities He calls us to, then what a privilege, but we need to be ready to give it all up if He asks us, because God is the main character in this, not us dust formed little people.

Oh that I could truly have a fresh revelation every day and remember and live like every area of life is no longer my own. Marriage, kids, ministry, friendships, money, time
- whatever, they are, are  not mine!

Oh to live as though I am truly holding "everything loosely but Christ"

He wants us, before He wants what we do for Him.

Isn't it mind blowing that God wants our hearts!

Exodus from the tombs.

I will never forget my first memory of going to meet the community in Navotas Cemetery. Never.

I had never seen graves above the ground before. Big bulky stone caskets piled high on top of one another. A narrow pathway made from trash. There on the ground, a half naked little girl, playing in between the tombs with a dead rat.

taken today in the exact spot I saw the little girl.

With a dead rat.


What kind of a place was this? 

Where people had to choose between living on top of graves or above the sea on dangerously structured wooded beams. 

But through the years we have had the privilege to find out that this place of death, is also a place of life. Here I met some of the saddest people I have ever known and some of the most joyful people I have ever known. If I was to describe the church locate in the middle of this place in one word I would choose joyful!

Tonight was the end of an era.

It was time for this whole community to be relocated.

A few months ago we witnessed another part of the dump site community being relocate. It was not families that we directly worked with, but we knew many of them. It was heartbreaking. With little notice from the National Housing Association the families homes were tore to the ground. When we went there during one of the demolition days it was tragic. Totally chaotic. Invaded with injustice.

Yes , these people were informal settlers. They were squatting on private land, mostly because they wanted to work in the city to be able to feed their families. It was just all organized (or not organized) really badly in our opinion. What could have been a successful project turned into a nightmare for many, leaving them worse off than they were before.

But tonight in Navotas was totally different. In all the years we have come to this place we have never ever felt an atmosphere like there was tonight. I actually can't really find the words to describe it well enough, but Ron and I were walking in amongst the tombs visiting families saying
" This is so different!".

I would describe the normal atmosphere in this community as thick and heavy. Almost every overseas volunteer who has come , male or female said they have found walking around here intimidating. But not tonight.
I can only describe the feeling in the place as "light", as in not weighty. (I'm not sure this description even makes sense)
As the last "batch" of people demolished their own homes, there was such a calm, organization and rest over the place. Some were continuing life as normal as if nothing was going on. Selling at their sari sari stalls, food vendors, kids sword fighting with sticks, boys gambling, mothers filling up water containers. While others were pulling down the remains of their homes, packing their bags, gathering their belongings or sitting waiting on the relocation truck.

Almost everyone we spoke to said they felt "sad and happy".

Many families will face new problems in the new sites, trying to establish new livelihood or find a new school for their children. Yet they spoke with no sense of panic. Not one person seemed to be fretting. It was so weird.
Of course we don't know everyone's story there, but as general feeling I would say it was so peaceful. Even the residents said "It's all been very peaceful and organized. No problems"

One elderly man is impressed on my mind. He had a small blue backpack and a well creased face.
" I'm going back to my province". I wondered when the last time he had been there was? How long had this man lived among the dead?

It was like an exodus. It reminded me of the Israelites who had been in bondage as slaves so many years. They all left together, the old with the young. Some would have been born in captivity and only ever known suffering and poverty.

Later on when we gathered the last group of children awaiting relocation together in Pastor Dodongs house, we gave them each a children's bible written in Tagalog. Ron told them about Moses and the Israelites, how God went with them. He guided them to the unknown.
We asked the kids how they felt about leaving the place they had all been born into.
"sad, happy, excited, scared"

Those children tonight were full of such tangible hope and joy. It was bursting from their songs to Jesus. I am so glad that these children will no longer play with bones, or jump over dead bodies.
I am so glad for them.

When the bibles were given to each one, they all opened them and just started to read. It was so powerful. They turned the pages carefully and in their native tongue, in easy to read Tagalog, they read aloud Gods word. We had to actually stop them because they just kept reading and reading!

I am so proud of the young leaders who have loved these kids, taught them and been big brothers and sisters over the years. They all have a huge transition. This is an end to all they have know, but it's a new beginning. Some of them we may never see again. I don't' know, but I know they go with Jesus in their hearts and that is the most important thing.

Some of KCM Navotas young leaders. The others have already been relocated. Very special people.

The children gather round the leaders who have loved and taught them over the years- and prayed.

Faithful team leaders and friends in Navotas, Pastor Dodong and Ate Virgie.

" And the Lord went before them by day in a pillar of cloud to lead the way, and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, so as to go by day and night (Exodus 13:21)

                  
Taken tonight. To the left where hundreds of houses stood on shaky bamboo stilts- a beautiful sunrise now in their place.
                     

"And the Lord said....
Tell the children of Israel to go forward" (Exodus 13:15)

Dumped on my birthday.

I have quite a few unedited update blogs, but I just thought I would scribble this one quickly........

Yesterday in Tondo was a very different kind of day. We always go not really knowing what a day will bring. We are always met with needs.

 But yesterday was weird! I was met at the rusty church gate by two young women from the dump site community. They put a blind fold on my eyes and took my hand, one at each side. It was strangely quiet. My blindfold was removed and a group of young men boomed out "Happy Birthday" on a variety of instruments. I suddenly had a flash back to when they were little barefoot boys playing in the trash Now young men, following Jesus, skilled in their musicianship.
Cool moment!

Handmade confetti, a multitude of colors, each tiny square hand cut by younger children in the community. They hung it carefully above where I was standing in a "chicken joy box" (popular fast food chain Jollibee)
A yummy chocolate  cake was presented. Last year the women done the same and bought me a cake as a gift. I was later moved to tears to know that they had sacrificed their whole days earnings to buy one. Would I have thought to do that for someone?

A beautiful poster with carefully handcrafted notes, delicate butterflies shaped from card and individually curled ribbons attached. So lovely.

Ron and I went to lead worship in our time in the house of prayer. We were joined by many of the community, all ages. It was such a special session. These times that we have together loving Jesus are so precious each week. The sweet presence of Holy Spirit was so evident. He was touching hearts afresh. It was a beautiful time loving through song and interceding in prayer for the communities.

After that they wanted a time of "appreciation". Over the years I have come to learn this is a normal birthday thing, but I find it so totally awkward! I was trying to explain we don't do this in Scotland. Each person there takes the mic and says a memory or appreciation of the person whose birthday it is. Its truly awkward, but lovely how they get all transparent and emotional as they relay special memories ( whosever birthday it is)

What really blessed us was to hear some things of how God had used our mission to change lives. God has been so faithful. He really changes lives! It also blessed me to think that every partner who has given to our ministry has also been so part of the change.

After that some of the mothers had prepared pink Jelly in recycled yogurt pots. They made delicious chicken adobo and rice. There we all sat at tables in the middle of a dump site, with flies buzzing round our plates- as a family.

When our bellies were full some of the youth said they had no gift for me but wanted to bless me. I was sat down on a chair. First they checked my head for lice (quite common buddies here in the slums! hehe) and massaged my head, massaged my hands and done my hair in a pretty style. It's not the first time the young women have done this over the years. It's so humbling.

It felt wrong to have them do this for me. After all we are the ones called to serve right?! But I knew it made them happy to be able to give and we so want those with limited means to feel the joy that they can also give.
It's always precious to have extra time with the young women just catching up on how their lives are. Throwback moments came to mind as I remembered them coming into the feeding program as children saying how hungry they felt. I remember them learning Jesus loves me and I remember when each of them came to know Him as a friend. They are now young women, in college and leading others to the Jesus they love.
-Another cool moment!

 I am writing this in the hope to convey a little more of how special this community of people are. In the worlds eyes, they have nothing, but oh my in the eyes of God, how rich they are because in spite of their financial lack, they find ways to give. Not just to me on my birthday, but to others inside and outside of their community. Lets allow my friends to challenge us ( and me again), how else can we give? What else can we practically do to bless someone else? How can we use our time and talents to put a smile on someone else's face? What more can we do to show love and care to those around us?

What a privilege to be on this dumpsite for another year. Will we be here this time next year? We have no clue, but what I do know is God has been so faithful thus far and I know he always will be.

"You've  never failed and You won't start now" (Oceans, Hillsongs)

literally falling asleep with the lice check :)