Just when you are in your comfort zone...WALLOP!

What a day!

It's funny that my comfort zone now includes the following...



walking in poo has become normal!



walking through poo most days

teaching a few hundred children at a time

eating what feels like tons of rice

loos having no such thing as a flush or toilet roll

 rats,roaches and sometimes scorpions nearby

being covered in mosquito bites

flies sharing my food

smelling like garbage

I know that being accustomed to these things shouldn't really be normal, but I believe God has given the grace. (phew for that!!) In a strange way these things are kind of in the comfort zone for hubby and I now.

Today when we arrived in Tondo we were forced to go into  problem solving mode before we even stepped in the door. Just about 30 mins before a couple of hundred people were about to come bursting through the gate (mostly kids under 12) we noticed the classrooms were empty. No chairs, no tables, no electric fans, no whiteboards.... not really anything actually! The lovely local women came to me in  a panic saying there were almost no cooking utensils and only 50 plates and about 20 spoons. They were due to start the feeding program after kids church fo about 400!

All of the stuff had been moved to the new container school. Don't get me wrong it's a HUGE answered prayer, miracle and blessing that the new school will open soon!!We are all so excited that this building will break strongholds of poverty. It was just a bit of a shock that we had no time to prepare for much needed items suddenly vanishing! In the busyness of the move someone had forgot to communicate that literally everything would be taken from the old warehouse,where we run almost all groups  and not much would be left. The original plan was that we would still be able to use old equipment and new ones would be bought for the new building. For now it doesn't look like this is happening,which leaves us with very little and on a faith journey as to how we can replace it before we leave in 2 weeks time!! eek .. i am trusting... i am trusting!!!  God provides!!



plastic instead of plates

 One of our feeding ministry volunteers said " Oh it seems like having a new husband!!" What she was expressing was that it was like starting all over again... and it really felt that way!

Most of our kids  have no boundaries at home and over 3 years with our team its been amazing to watch them thrive by having some consistency. I don't know if this is coming across as its meant to but probably those of you have volunteered with us would understand whats this morning would have looked like. Take away all usual physical structure.... give the children clear open spaces and what would they do? To my Scottish friends " they wur loosin the heed!!" Its was total madness. Add to this 40 degree heat, no fans and very hungry tummy's and imagine!

I  want to tell you how totally thankful Ron and I were for our team (who are all made up of local people living in the Tondo community) I was so proud of them as they all rallied together and just got on with things, working through the problems and finding creative solutions. From the youngest teen who volunteers with the kids ministry to the women who cooked  and serve for the feeding program.  I thought to myself  - God you are just so good giving us these people. Although we were all exhausted, we were elated at the unity in the team. Really, they were amazing. They are full of compassion for their own community. 

Today was so challenging  for many reasons. We had very sick children, a woman who mis carried and others with urgent needs that we had to attend to. I came home and wept over the suffering of the of people today.Sometimes it hits you with big WHACK ! BAM! WALLOP!  Honestly it can be so overwhelming  when you can't help them all at one time and you so desperately want to. I'm so thankful we can throw our selves upon God. That's what I done when I got home, just lay at the feet of my Abba Father and wept. (and in my wonderful hubby's arms too) 

I haven't been able to get this quote from Gracia Burnhams book To Fly Again out of my mind since I read it last week;

"God is attracted to weakness. He can't resist those who humbly and honestly admit how desperately they need Him. Our weakness, in fact, makes room for His power"

WOW! I love that! So getting thrown out your comfort zone is a good thing!

What is it about each of us that wants to appear strong?  Why are we so afraid to let down our guard, drop the facade and admit our weakness? Why is it so important for others to think we are  in control, confident, competent and capable?  Could it be pride I wonder? Yep! Heart check for me! Here in the Philippines when you say " kumusta  ka" (how are you" everyone replies with " Mabuti -yes as in Ma-BOOTY :) which means fine.  

I'm fine!

The youth use a term here which I think sums it up. PLASTIC. Meaning he/she is just pretending. Don't we all do this at times though - pretend I mean. I know I do, not intentionally but I do. Sometimes it's because we don't want to let people down, make people sad,keep up appearance of being  a"good leader" to the team. But you know what I have learned since starting out on this crazy journey of full time mission work...

The best kind of leader is a weak leader. Hmmmm... how so?

When I am weak HE is strong!!  How much freedom we would feel is we always walked in this truth.  I am free because I know that I know that I know that without HIM i can do NOTHING! HE is the strength of my life.

So though  we do not have a clue about how all the equipment will be replaced, at the end of the day what matters WAY MORE is what I witnessed and felt today. There was not much stuff but there was TEAM and there was LOVE and a whole lot of LAUGHTER!

Team








white funeral

I watched today as my husband and another team mate collected the trash that surrounded our friend Nhora's coffin before the funeral service began. I listened as a pastor asked some neighbours to stop gambling around the coffin. I held broken hearted children as they sobbed for their lovely mama. How desperately they want her back.

In many ways it was a sad sight but it was also a time to rejoice. I could not help being happy to think of Nhora enjoying heaven. I could not help smile as I thought of her life and the legacy of love she left behind. 

In the midst of the cultural chaos  I was blessed with a symbolic sight. In the middle of Ron taking the funeral I  looked through teary eyes to notice that most of the people present were wearing white. How strange and significant all at the same time.

In Scotland as in other places the traditional attire to wear on such an occasion is black. I'm still not sure if white is the done colour here in the Philippines but it was a visual reminder to me of where beautiful Nhora is now. 

"... and they shall walk with Me in white, for they are worthy. He who overcomes shall be clothed in white garments....." Revelation 3:4,5

How wonderful that the focus had turned to the reality that Nhora was now in the presence of her Lord Jesus. I am exited that one day we will see her again......



stairway to paradise by Thomas Kinkade



   No more tears Ate Nhora......

Nhoras legacy of love

If you lived in a dump site area would you;

- Have compassion for  your neighbours?

-Be willing to go hungry so someone else's child could eat?

-No matter what, always wear a smile?

-Even  bring a song and dance?

                                                       My friend Nhora Mariano did.



Nhoras last picture April 2010



Our friend and team mate Nhora died suddenly last week. She was 35 years old.

Truth be told I have sat down to write this blog at least 4 times now, but just sigh and close the laptop. It really doesn't feel like she's gone. Nhora was one of the first local mothers who offered to volunteer in the kids ministry.When we met her in 2008 we knew she had a huge heart and God given compassion for children in her own community. She would serve the children in whatever way was needed: helping at the feeding - washing their little plates- cleaning-  wiping their tears- walking them to kids club-  lavishing love on each one...

Loving on all her babies

 For 3 years she faithfully lead the 1-4 years old kids church class. Sometimes she cared for 70 toddlers at a time with help from only a few local teens. The mothers who come usually just want a break from their kids and understandably as they haven't had a moment to themselves all week, but not Nhora. She called them "my children" and showed patience and love for every single one of them. They miss her. She has left her legacy of love in every one of their little hearts.

In spite of her own life being far from easy she loved to sing and dance and as soon as any kind of beat could be heard her tiny hips started to wiggle! Along with the other mothers she took part in several concert nights. I noticed Nhoras creativity the first time I taught them a dance routine. She would contribute by adding her own steps and would remember the moves when I forgot! When it was time to perform she would fill the others with confidence and light up as she gracefully danced her way around the stage. She looked so beautiful because to her it wasn't just singing and dancing -it was worship. I can see this legacy of love in her daughters. Only hours after they found out their lovely mother had died Ron and I found them singing  - yes singing with tears..." here I am to worship". It was Nhoras favorite song.

 

church anniversary concert 2009

 More than anywhere else I see so obviously Nhoras legacy of love in her four beautiful girls Antointh, Grayvie, Angel and Nene. They beam who Nhora was. Same smile. Same giggle. Same desire to help.Same love for Jesus. Same love to sing and dance and never sit still for a moment. They never got a chance to say goodbye to their precious mama. She went to the hospital to get some tests as to why parts of he body had been swelling. She never came home. It was  discovered that she had developed a heart problem after her miscarriage a few months earlier. The doctors said she had water in her lungs and her heart couldn't cope anymore.  Nhora wasn't afraid of death. She told her husband that, but that she had to fight to stay alive for him and her girls. For reasons that our human minds cannot comprehend, she died before the doctors even done any kind of heart test. I know Nhoras is now dancing with Jesus.



her four Angels

The day Nhora was taken "home" we had the girls stay at our house for a couple of days to allow their father organise getting her body back from the hospital. I cannot describe how heartbreaking it was to hold them as they cried and cried. Nene (the youngest) just poured out tears sobbing "mama ko mama ko" - " my mama my mama. It was as though I could feel her young heart breaking in my hands.They loved their mum so much. If ever I've seen a woman with a mothers heart, it was Nhora. We found out that the girls had no pictures of their mum so we put some together and some in a frame. We all spent time talking about Nhora -the girls would stroke her face on the picture and say "maganda"-beautiful. In each picture they said "she is not sick there" and talked about how they loved their mamas smile, what her favorite songs were and how she was so kind. The next day they came to us and asked if they could get a picture together holding their mamas picture.

Antoineth wanting bubbles blown over her mamas picture

They asked if we could take another picture..this time while they blew bubbles around the frame. I smiled as I thought about how this was so Nhora - she was so bubbly and full of fun. I love that her girls know that. I feel blessed that we were able to have them stay with us. Though it was sore in the heart for all of us - it was healing to cry and pray together.

Those of you who pray- please pray for them and dad Tony. They are grieving so much right now. In the culture its expected that they just appear strong. I witnessed quite a few of the neighbours just telling them not to cry now. I pray they will be allowed to start the grieving process.

I feel like I haven't done nearly enough justice to the wonderful person Nhora was. But I just so wanted people to hear of her. I wanted you to know she existed - know she was loved and know how she loved. I wanted people to hear her name and read her legacy of love. I wonder how many others have lived their lives in a squatters area and died without anyone knowing their name. Its a comfort to know this;

"Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints" Psalm 116:15

I'm sure of this... so sure.... that the angels were rejoicing when Nhora Mariano arrived at the pearly gates. We miss her so very much... but I see in the eyes of her children and the other children she cared for her great legacy of love - HIS love through her - now in them.It's a privilege to have known her.

"Well done thou good and faithful servant. Enter now into thy rest"

baptism 2009

  Leonhora Mariano
Born:  October 17 1975

                                                             Called home: November 4 2010

Are you a singer....well....em?

I sat down to write a blog about funny things said in kids church, but I can hear my lovely hubby playing his guitar and singing in the other room and it reminded me of a question I was asked yesterday by an author from New Zealand who came to visit.

" Are you a singer?" 

"Well,,, em," I stuttered..."sometimes".

So why on earth did I give such a vague  answer?! What does "sometimes" mean anyway?! How ridiculous! lol :)

I used to teach creative arts. Part of my work involved teaching people how to sing  and I made a pretty good living from it.  I have had the privilege of being involved in worship teams since I was 14. I performed in lots of concerts. I love to sing. It's defiantly part of who God made me. So why on earth was I not sure when I was asked such a simple question?!

Well, we have been working with the beautiful people of Manilas largest dump site and surrounding area for almost 3 years now.  Within these 3 years we have breathed in a whole lot of dust and methane gases coming from the burning trash. The notes that I used to sing, are now kind of a croak. Sometimes while Ron and I would be leading worship my voice will completely disappear and  fit of coughing would take its place. Frustrating to say the least!



one of the families living in the charcoal making area

I have never really thought of this until tonight.......I wonder how many people who live at the charcoal area at the dump site used to sing?I wonder how many had a beautiful voice before it was  stolen by the raging gases that exude from the burning charcoal 24 hours a day? I wonder how many of them have been gifted with talents that they are not able to use because of the horrific surrounding they live in.  They still bring a song and so can I. I am blessed.Whether I croak or sing..whether my voice comes out sounding  the way I want it to or not.. I will sing because it's the One I'm singing for that really matters. 

One of the first songs I ever wrote was this;

 I call to my remembrance my song in the night
When I sing that song everythings alright
 No matter what I'm feeling
No matter how dark it is
No matter what the circumstance I'll raise my voice
I'll raise my hands and sing sing sing
Lord I sing. I sing. I sing

I sing through the broken times
I choose to sing
By grace the choice is mine to praise
Like a child I come a picture of praise I hold to you
You accept this worship in love.

No matter what the circumstance
No matter what the circumstance
I'll raise my voice
I'll raise my hands and sing sing sing
Lord I sing. I sing. I sing

Have you ever had your child or a child you love run up to you and stretch their arms out to give you a painting or a drawing that they have done? You open it and its a fantastic mess of colorful scribbles? What do you say to them? Usually something along the lines of "Oh that's amazing. Well done. I love it" Why?  It's not so much the picture that's important as the one who gave it. They gave it from the heart with love.

I have a wonderful friend with a beautiful voice and an even more beautiful way of bringing music and joy to others. She has given her voice to teaching hundreds of people and inspired them in ways no one else could have. So much so that she has lost her singing voice. But I've watched as she teaches - it doesn't make one bit of difference to her students. They still come in their hundreds because its not really about the singing voice at all. Its about the one singing.

I'm sure that's the way our Father is with us. It's all about our heart. We can have a song in our hearts everyday, even if it doesn't come out sounding exactly angelic!

"I will sing unto the Lord as long as I live: I will sing praise to my God while I have my being" Psalm 104:33



singing their hearts out

 

http://youtu.be/RwmDPj46k_s