Our mission is not our identity.

Being a missionary Mama is a privilege, but it's not my identity.
Doing ministry in the slums of Manila with a lovely husband and special team, a privilege, but not my identity.

"Be willing to stay forever and Be willing to go in a moment"

This was the advice I was given years ago from a man who had ministered in Romania. I asked him if there was one piece of advice he could give, what it would be.
I appreciate more now why it was such good advice.

What we do, is not the sum of who we are.

My identity is in Christ.

If we lose focus on Jesus and make our mission our world- it's an idol

If we give up all our time with Jesus because people "need our help"- they are an idol.

Christ wants to be first.

The greatest commandment, out of everything He could have said?

He asks us to LOVE HIM FIRST then LOVE OTHERS.

We must do both, but we must strive to put Him where He deserves to be in our lives- really first.

When we first arrived in Manilas largest dump site, I just wanted to respond. But in honesty in that first season I got it wrong. Without knowing it at the time I was putting people, "Gods work" before God.
The result? We felt burned out really quickly!
Why? Because you can only give away what you get from being with Jesus.
When you are with Jesus and know His heart, His direction, you don't have to struggle to make things work- He shows You one step at a time what to do and with that comes His peace.

Ministry, mission, a calling- is NOT about us!
It's about God.

I think we missionaries know this in theory but I'm sad to say that I have witnessed many times where the ministry becomes that persons identity. It consumes who they are. Their whole lives would be totally devastated if they had to leave their mission. Stepping away and letting someone else lead what they have built would be soul destroying-identity destroying. Gods' work no longer becomes about God, it becomes about them.

Instead of getting their worth in who Christ is and who He says they are, they get their identity in their work.

Scary stuff! But challenging, how very many times have I put other things before God?!

We are all disposable. It's not about us. God used people before us and He will use people after us. When? No clue. It's up to Him.


A few people have been asking us since the relocation of the Navotas Cemetery Community was relocated if we are so sad.
I am sad for my friends who have to start over. I am sad they will miss their neighbors greatly. I am sad they are facing new challenges. I am sad I may no longer see some of them again.

Am I sad, we no longer have a church there or able to run community programs there?
No, because its not about us.

None of it is about us.

God has allowed the relocation and I believe with all my heart He will do a new thing in the lives of the people. He has delivered them from the tombs. He is giving them a new start. Many challenges, yes, but I know He will be with them and lead His people each step of the way. The good news of who He is will spread. Not one more baby will be born among they tombs.

The families are resilient and creative, they will find new ways to live. I have heard of Pastors rushing to the relocation sites to hang on to their church. But it's not their to hang on to really is it? 

Im not saying it's wrong to set up at the relocation sites. Support is clearly needed in some,but I think its arrogant to assume that the people "wont survive" without ministries or NGOS.
For us, if God asks us to begin a work at the relocation sites, we will. If He doesn't, we wont. Same goes for when the dump site is demolished. We have learned never to try to plan this far ahead! But what comfort that none of it will be a surprise to God!

I'm embarassed to say I have witnesses in some organizations a kind of ownership of people and sad to say even in Christian ministries.  This is not how it's ment to be! They are not "our families", "our beneficiaries" , "our" anything! They are people God made whom we have the privilege to know and partner with, whether a short or long season.

People are not ours! Communities are not ours.
Organizations that we even establish and lead are not ours.

Our aim must be leading people to follow Jesus whether we are there or not. Not followers of people , of churches or organizations- of JESUS. 

In our missions we must remember that we are here to build for Gods kingdom- for His Glory- not to build an empire for ourselves or for others to see.

It's all about God and if we have a chance to play a tiny tiny part , helping support the  communities He calls us to, then what a privilege, but we need to be ready to give it all up if He asks us, because God is the main character in this, not us dust formed little people.

Oh that I could truly have a fresh revelation every day and remember and live like every area of life is no longer my own. Marriage, kids, ministry, friendships, money, time
- whatever, they are, are  not mine!

Oh to live as though I am truly holding "everything loosely but Christ"

He wants us, before He wants what we do for Him.

Isn't it mind blowing that God wants our hearts!

Exodus from the tombs.

I will never forget my first memory of going to meet the community in Navotas Cemetery. Never.

I had never seen graves above the ground before. Big bulky stone caskets piled high on top of one another. A narrow pathway made from trash. There on the ground, a half naked little girl, playing in between the tombs with a dead rat.

taken today in the exact spot I saw the little girl.

With a dead rat.


What kind of a place was this? 

Where people had to choose between living on top of graves or above the sea on dangerously structured wooded beams. 

But through the years we have had the privilege to find out that this place of death, is also a place of life. Here I met some of the saddest people I have ever known and some of the most joyful people I have ever known. If I was to describe the church locate in the middle of this place in one word I would choose joyful!

Tonight was the end of an era.

It was time for this whole community to be relocated.

A few months ago we witnessed another part of the dump site community being relocate. It was not families that we directly worked with, but we knew many of them. It was heartbreaking. With little notice from the National Housing Association the families homes were tore to the ground. When we went there during one of the demolition days it was tragic. Totally chaotic. Invaded with injustice.

Yes , these people were informal settlers. They were squatting on private land, mostly because they wanted to work in the city to be able to feed their families. It was just all organized (or not organized) really badly in our opinion. What could have been a successful project turned into a nightmare for many, leaving them worse off than they were before.

But tonight in Navotas was totally different. In all the years we have come to this place we have never ever felt an atmosphere like there was tonight. I actually can't really find the words to describe it well enough, but Ron and I were walking in amongst the tombs visiting families saying
" This is so different!".

I would describe the normal atmosphere in this community as thick and heavy. Almost every overseas volunteer who has come , male or female said they have found walking around here intimidating. But not tonight.
I can only describe the feeling in the place as "light", as in not weighty. (I'm not sure this description even makes sense)
As the last "batch" of people demolished their own homes, there was such a calm, organization and rest over the place. Some were continuing life as normal as if nothing was going on. Selling at their sari sari stalls, food vendors, kids sword fighting with sticks, boys gambling, mothers filling up water containers. While others were pulling down the remains of their homes, packing their bags, gathering their belongings or sitting waiting on the relocation truck.

Almost everyone we spoke to said they felt "sad and happy".

Many families will face new problems in the new sites, trying to establish new livelihood or find a new school for their children. Yet they spoke with no sense of panic. Not one person seemed to be fretting. It was so weird.
Of course we don't know everyone's story there, but as general feeling I would say it was so peaceful. Even the residents said "It's all been very peaceful and organized. No problems"

One elderly man is impressed on my mind. He had a small blue backpack and a well creased face.
" I'm going back to my province". I wondered when the last time he had been there was? How long had this man lived among the dead?

It was like an exodus. It reminded me of the Israelites who had been in bondage as slaves so many years. They all left together, the old with the young. Some would have been born in captivity and only ever known suffering and poverty.

Later on when we gathered the last group of children awaiting relocation together in Pastor Dodongs house, we gave them each a children's bible written in Tagalog. Ron told them about Moses and the Israelites, how God went with them. He guided them to the unknown.
We asked the kids how they felt about leaving the place they had all been born into.
"sad, happy, excited, scared"

Those children tonight were full of such tangible hope and joy. It was bursting from their songs to Jesus. I am so glad that these children will no longer play with bones, or jump over dead bodies.
I am so glad for them.

When the bibles were given to each one, they all opened them and just started to read. It was so powerful. They turned the pages carefully and in their native tongue, in easy to read Tagalog, they read aloud Gods word. We had to actually stop them because they just kept reading and reading!

I am so proud of the young leaders who have loved these kids, taught them and been big brothers and sisters over the years. They all have a huge transition. This is an end to all they have know, but it's a new beginning. Some of them we may never see again. I don't' know, but I know they go with Jesus in their hearts and that is the most important thing.

Some of KCM Navotas young leaders. The others have already been relocated. Very special people.

The children gather round the leaders who have loved and taught them over the years- and prayed.

Faithful team leaders and friends in Navotas, Pastor Dodong and Ate Virgie.

" And the Lord went before them by day in a pillar of cloud to lead the way, and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, so as to go by day and night (Exodus 13:21)

                  
Taken tonight. To the left where hundreds of houses stood on shaky bamboo stilts- a beautiful sunrise now in their place.
                     

"And the Lord said....
Tell the children of Israel to go forward" (Exodus 13:15)

Dumped on my birthday.

I have quite a few unedited update blogs, but I just thought I would scribble this one quickly........

Yesterday in Tondo was a very different kind of day. We always go not really knowing what a day will bring. We are always met with needs.

 But yesterday was weird! I was met at the rusty church gate by two young women from the dump site community. They put a blind fold on my eyes and took my hand, one at each side. It was strangely quiet. My blindfold was removed and a group of young men boomed out "Happy Birthday" on a variety of instruments. I suddenly had a flash back to when they were little barefoot boys playing in the trash Now young men, following Jesus, skilled in their musicianship.
Cool moment!

Handmade confetti, a multitude of colors, each tiny square hand cut by younger children in the community. They hung it carefully above where I was standing in a "chicken joy box" (popular fast food chain Jollibee)
A yummy chocolate  cake was presented. Last year the women done the same and bought me a cake as a gift. I was later moved to tears to know that they had sacrificed their whole days earnings to buy one. Would I have thought to do that for someone?

A beautiful poster with carefully handcrafted notes, delicate butterflies shaped from card and individually curled ribbons attached. So lovely.

Ron and I went to lead worship in our time in the house of prayer. We were joined by many of the community, all ages. It was such a special session. These times that we have together loving Jesus are so precious each week. The sweet presence of Holy Spirit was so evident. He was touching hearts afresh. It was a beautiful time loving through song and interceding in prayer for the communities.

After that they wanted a time of "appreciation". Over the years I have come to learn this is a normal birthday thing, but I find it so totally awkward! I was trying to explain we don't do this in Scotland. Each person there takes the mic and says a memory or appreciation of the person whose birthday it is. Its truly awkward, but lovely how they get all transparent and emotional as they relay special memories ( whosever birthday it is)

What really blessed us was to hear some things of how God had used our mission to change lives. God has been so faithful. He really changes lives! It also blessed me to think that every partner who has given to our ministry has also been so part of the change.

After that some of the mothers had prepared pink Jelly in recycled yogurt pots. They made delicious chicken adobo and rice. There we all sat at tables in the middle of a dump site, with flies buzzing round our plates- as a family.

When our bellies were full some of the youth said they had no gift for me but wanted to bless me. I was sat down on a chair. First they checked my head for lice (quite common buddies here in the slums! hehe) and massaged my head, massaged my hands and done my hair in a pretty style. It's not the first time the young women have done this over the years. It's so humbling.

It felt wrong to have them do this for me. After all we are the ones called to serve right?! But I knew it made them happy to be able to give and we so want those with limited means to feel the joy that they can also give.
It's always precious to have extra time with the young women just catching up on how their lives are. Throwback moments came to mind as I remembered them coming into the feeding program as children saying how hungry they felt. I remember them learning Jesus loves me and I remember when each of them came to know Him as a friend. They are now young women, in college and leading others to the Jesus they love.
-Another cool moment!

 I am writing this in the hope to convey a little more of how special this community of people are. In the worlds eyes, they have nothing, but oh my in the eyes of God, how rich they are because in spite of their financial lack, they find ways to give. Not just to me on my birthday, but to others inside and outside of their community. Lets allow my friends to challenge us ( and me again), how else can we give? What else can we practically do to bless someone else? How can we use our time and talents to put a smile on someone else's face? What more can we do to show love and care to those around us?

What a privilege to be on this dumpsite for another year. Will we be here this time next year? We have no clue, but what I do know is God has been so faithful thus far and I know he always will be.

"You've  never failed and You won't start now" (Oceans, Hillsongs)

literally falling asleep with the lice check :)

It's sometimes going to hurt.

I have been thinking about an update blog for weeks and just not finding the words. It's been a kind of overwhelming time here. Some of the hardest, most exhausting we feel we have ever gone through since moving to the Philippines.
There is a season to everything and some are wonderful and some are just tough! Sometimes everything happens at once. It's been one of they kind of times.

Since our house flooded during a typhoon last month, we have had sickness after sickness. This weekend will be the first that no one in the house sick. Wooohooo!
When we got stranded on the second floor of our home, Josiah and Eli though it was all a huge adventure. Living only upstairs was a great game to them! A child's perspective is an awesome thing.

 We were much better off than many in Manila. We still had food and electric. Hundreds of others were stranded with no food and no dry clothes. The flood was an inconvenience because some of our appliances were broken and some furniture damaged, but it never took long for Ron to have the house looking ( and smelling kind of) back to normal. The amount of sickness was the most challenging. Ron was unwell and just not getting better for weeks, but we are so thankful that he came back clear from Tuberculosis. Docs just wanted to check because we work with so many families that have TB.

The hardest thing about living at the other side of the world is being away from family. It's a funny thing having two countries that are home and the Philippines really is my home now. But if you want to talk about the sacrifice of being called to another country, for me it's just being away from people we love, especially when they are very ill or going through sadness. It's the times when our toddler can't understand why he cant play with his cousins or pull Granny through Skype to paint. It's missing your nieces and nephews grow up. It's not being able to celebrate good times and bad times with friends.

I hope this is not sounding like  "woe is me" kind of blog! lol. But I'm thinking if I'm going to give an honest account, then I need to be willing to be a bit vulnerable. It's not always fun or exciting out here. The trouble shooting  and problem solving parts are sore on the heart at times. Really my husband is the one carrying the brunt of all that side of the work. But in it ALL, we can have joy.
The joy is Jesus, not circumstances. And truthfully there are times we need to fight daily to get our joy restored because that joy is strength.

Even in parenting right? It's not like everyday is packed with jobs we all love to do. Parenting is not for wimps! But in the midst of the day in and day out necessities we definatly can EN-JOY it all.

Last weekend we took 30 of the youth leaders to hear Francis Chan speak. We were all challenged and encouraged. He said this;

 "It's sometimes gonna hurt to follow Jesus.
It's gonna be tough but it's gonna be worth it in the end" (Francis Chan)

"For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory" ( 2 Cor. 4:17)

The reality is that following Jesus will just be tough sometimes. He will ask us to do things that don't make sense. He asks us to live a radical, out of the box, out of the norm kind of life. He will ask us to sacrifice until hurts. He will ask us to love and help and give all ourselves to help when there may be no return. He asks us to be remain faithful when it would be easier to take the easier options available to us.

But He IS worth it. 

I woke the other morning after a kind of discouraging dream about loving some in the slums who seem to throw it back in our faces and those who don't seem to be bearing fruit or changing. God clearly spoke to my heart;

" I have called you there to love- no strings attached. Keep doing it."

Ok, Lord I get it! I needed a reminder that this life is not about me It's not about little joanna but about a big God!. Our lives should really be all about Him. How challenging is that?!
(SO challenging)

"That those who live should live no longer for themselves, but for Him who died for them and rose again" 2 Corinthians 5;14

The times we feel most overwhelmed, under pressure and heavy with the burden of responsibility are the times we need to be running to God. On the days we least feel like singing, it is exactly then we should sing. Sing truth. Read the truth of His word.
But oh my! How our flesh will fight doing these very things. Why? Because spending time with Him, in prayer, worship and the words are our lifeline and if we don't have these things the very life will be sucked from us and we will merely survive and be robbed of the things God has for us.

It's been a couple of months of real spiritual warfare and attacks on our family and on our ministry team. The enemy is not happy and this is a good thing!
Since God put on our hearts to raise funds for 500 children's Tagalog bibles, it's been non stop. I was asking God, why now Lord? It's a time of  difficulties financially to sustain things. (2 main funders are very late in giving and even through this we have seen God provide for the kids in Tondo and Navotas)
 But God said "Now".
So we stepped out and again he has been faithful.
His word, the good news, the truth going into 500 homes in easy to read Tagalog.
He loves these families so much that He wants them to know the truth that the truth might set them free from the strongholds of poverty.

If we trust Him and obey God will bring us all through the exhausting and fragile times because everything has a season and he knows how much we can bare. He doesn't ask us to do ANYTHING without His help. He has promised us He will be with us in it. Through the best times and through the worst He sings his songs of love over us. I can imagine the angels cheering us to keep going, to finish the race of life in faithfulness. Don't become weary in doing good. Keep getting refreshed and recharged before Jesus, keep pressing in and pressing on- in our families, in our communities or for people in a foreign land. Jesus is the motivation. If He is not- we will burn out. If we are followers of Christ, our lives are not out own anymore. They are His.

People often ask how we cope with all the suffering we see here. Simply, Jesus, my husband and boys. I'm thankful that whatever I go through, I go through it with them. Thankful.

at the beginning of the month we got 2 days in hubbys home province at our favorite beach. perfect timing.

They are a sweet escape from the amount of suffering we see in Manilas slums.

Hidden no more.

Just wanted to write a quick update and thank you to those friends who have been specifically praying for the sisters I blogged about a of couple of weeks ago.

You can click and read here
http://joannadomingo.blogspot.com/2014/08/burdened-until-sunrise.html 

Two beautiful girls hidden for most of their lives.

We urged you to pray that the hearts of the parents would be soft as we asked permission to provide the girls with opportunities to get involved in community programs and allow us to begin integrating them into the society.

As I went back to the house the second time after meeting them the mother whom I had not yet seen shouted "sister sister come on in" offering me the only plastic chair in their tiny home. She and the girls were sitting on their shanty floor peeling garlic.

"Yeh we will have money now selling garlic" Beline shouted excitedly.
As i sat beside them and got to know the mother a little bit, I really felt that God was working. She was so friendly and warm. We were chatting like we already knew each other. She told me a little more about the girls stories. How they had never been to school because she knew they needed a special school and that was not an option due to lack of finances.

I asked the Mama if her daughters could come and join our music activities that day. She look a little surprised for a second and then said "YES"! straight away. Within moments she had helped them change their clothes and get their rubber boots on. She waved them goodbye and I could sense she was just thankful they were getting to go somewhere.

Just a week previous to this moment NO ONE in the community knew who these girls were. NO ONE knew their name. NO ONE had seen them.
In they came and joined the activities that day, and the next day and have been coming to several programs since this time. They now know where our base is and bring themselves along.

Beline and Bebe (Pheobe) taught me about being brave. They have been hidden all their lives. Mocked when they did venture out into  the community for the first time. Still they held my hand, walked through staring eyes to get to our center and were brave enough to join in. Beline was so ready. Bebe took a little longer , but by the end of the first choir session was smiling and joining in.

Change happened fast in the attitudes of other young people towards them.I never usually get to write that sentence so I'll say it again!

Change happened fast...

 Even some who had been making fun of them a couple of weeks ago were now genuinely welcoming them. This time, they were welcomed and teenagers who did not know what to do a couple of weeks ago were sitting beside them chatting and making friends. Girls who were ignoring them were eating with them, singing with them. I looked over from the other side of the hall and I no longer saw the new girls and the others. I just saw a group of girls getting to know each other and building relationship- the way it should be.


Change happened fast because both the sisters and some of the residents of the community overcame something new. I am proud of them all.

I am so very glad they are hidden no more. I thank God.

 

 

 

Burdened until sunrise.

Some days spent in Manilas slums reveal new levels of corruption, injustice and suffering. They leave the heart with a burden and travailing to keep labouring in the communities we are called to. But Oh how we need God to break through even more.

Part of our ministry is just walking around the dump site sitting with, listening and getting to know peoples stories. This is how we find desperate ones, brave ones, forgotten ones, strong ones. This is how we find who to respond to next. Every time I am aware that God directs our steps.
We often say we think we have seen it all and then we find another toxic layer of issues.

I truly believe God in His grace reveals them in His time because He knows when we are ready to bare them, even if we don't feel that way.

Yesterday I went out walking with 2 of the young women to visit families that were living in the flood areas. Black, filthy, stagnant water covered every crevice of ground in that particular part of the community. All of a sudden  I had a prompting from within to leave my team mates and walk through a dimly lit underpass. My purple rubber boots squelched through the stinking black fluid.
Everything was grey apart from the flashes of white  from the children's smiles, like little stars dotted around a black sky.

"Take a picture of me Ate Jo!"

My feet kept moving forward and then I noticed I was in a corner at a dead end. It's still near our center, but I  have never been in this cove before. I couldn't work out how I had never found this place even though we have been very near it. Suddenly someone touched my hair from the back. I turned to find a girl staring at me. Peering through the broken wooden frame on her shanty.

"Bota Bota." (Boots Boots)

We had been giving out tickets for adults living in the floods to come and get rubber boots. I noticed the young girls speech was slurred. She seemed to have additional support needs.

"What's your name" I asked in tagalog.

"Pheobe"

Pheobe

Then another head popped out from behind the door of their tiny make shift home. A beautiful smile and  then  a high pitch voice "I'm Beline" .
She too seemed to have additional support needs. They are sisters, 24 and 14.

"Picture tayo Ate!" (lets take a picture big sister)
 

Beline

I stood with the girls on their doorstep for a long time. It's a quiet little cove. Only one other neighbor who was 8 months pregnant on the ground hand washing clothes.  A little later, a cousin joined us who I know a  bit from our mothers group. She told me that Pheobe and Beline had never been to school and have stayed inside their house most of their lives.
Later I asked around our team and  residents in the same area to see if I could find out more. It was extremely disturbing to me that not one of the mothers, young people or children knew who they were or had ever seen them.

Ever.

"KCM. KCM" (the name of our ministry) Beline had been saying pointing to the  butterfly logo on my t shirt. The cousin told me they always asked to come along but no one would take them. Brenda and Clarissa, youth leaders gave them a florescent pink rubber boot ticket. They were SO excited and an hour later they were sitting in our hall. The father was also there, sitting quite a distance from his daughters. Ron shared the gospel with him. Pheobe and Beline were beside me, giving spontaneous hugs and asking peoples names. Beline kept talking about how big the bananas were in the province and that there are no bananas or money since they moved to Tondo. This seemed important to her and impressed on her memory.

If you are a believer and are reading this, I urge you to remember these girls in prayer. Im asking you to pray as we begin the first stage of building relationship with the parents and get to know more of the girls story. Im asking for prayer that the parents would have open hearts to allow us to provide opportunities for the sisters to be involved in programs and integrated into the community.

Within this culture people with additional needs are often hidden, in particular children. Not always, but very often. Lack of education, wrong so called religious teaching and lack of acceptance means parents are often ashamed. There is an obvious lack of respect and dignity to people who seem different. I find this frustrating and very difficult to understand. It's a huge issue.

Through the night God laid a heavy burden on my heart for these sisters and some of the others we visited that day;
- a mother beaten by her husband who thought it was okay
-a little boy who's baby sister had just died
-a family who was squandering money on gambling while their children were hungry
- a teenage boy who had dropped out of school because of struggles with his gender and was depressed
- an old widow who was riddled with TB who pushes a heavy trash cart just to get enough food

I was burdened in prayer until sunrise about these situations, but mostly about my new friends Pheobe and Beline. The previous night Ron was burdened throughout the night about the great horrors happening to Christians in Iraq at this time. What is a burden actually I was thinking?

I think a burden is when Gods emotions and Gods heart collide with us.

I think it's when we feel a tiny bit of what He feels. He impresses it on us so that we will intercede on their behalf and be compelled to do something about injustice.

"Burdened- required to yield to a vessel having right of way"

 "Burden- that which is carried or borne out of difficulty"

Labor- Uncomfortable and painful. Sometimes quick. Sometimes long, but with the fruit of a  beautiful new life.

Often our team and residents come to the house of prayer to pour out, travail in prayer and cry to God about all the injustices we are confronted with on a daily basis. Always His peace and beautiful presence breaks through ,strengthening our hearts. I love this room. There is both much suffering and joy here.We travail and intercede on behalf of the horrors we find in the community and we rejoice as God births new dreams  and responses in us.Through worship and loving Him we know that we know that He has it all control. Nothing comes as a surprise to Him.

Ate Nora travailing in prayer for the injustices in her community

He knows their story before he leads our feet through the mud to learn them and respond to them.


Being here is both uncomfortable and painful at times as well as being an honor. But we must keep pressing on. There is also much joy in being here. Jesus is still in the business of totally transforming  lives! And whether we see the rewards of our labor in this life or the next it is worth it.

I am learning in this place that we cannot have the joy without the suffering and the suffering without the joy. Like twins they must remain side by side for change to be birthed.

HE IS WORTH IT.

"And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night?" (luke 18:7)

I either believe it or i don't!

Don't know what was in the air, but I found my boys extra exhausting today!

My darling free spirited toddler seemed to be testing boundaries- a lot!
My sweet sunshine baby only wanted to physically cling to me all day!

Doing house chores and cooking are a lot more challenging with a very heavy bubba on your hip... and you only have one hand to do it all! As I inwardly complained about washing dishes and chopping sweet potatoes with one hand, I was reminded that one day, quite soon he will be too big to carry. These moment (however mad they are) will become a memory.

Finally 8pm (on the dot) came and Eli went down to sleep. I thought Josiah was also in the land of nod and so i lit a candle, got out my bible and journal to de-stress BUT then my handsome husband came and said "he only wants you darling"! Sheesh!

"I have nothing left to give" I moaned to my hubby from the top of the stairs. Sitting on top of Josiahs guitar covered bed spread I thought immediately. Wait a minute! That's not true! I do have more to give because I have a God whose grace is right now sufficient. More than enough and Christ and His Spirit are dwelling in me.

I either believe it or I don't!

I'm not really a worrier, but there are times (like today) I think- "God, You really need to  kind of step in about NOW!"

Some of the things our team at Kalayaan Community Ministries are currently doing in the dump site and cemetery community are;
- Feeding a minimum of 1520 hot meals per week to under nourished children.
-Sending wonderful young people from the slums through private colleges and universities
-Delivering food crisis parcels to more families than ever
-Empowering Mothers and Fathers to establish businesses so as they could support their own families
-Financing hospital fees and medicines for those in emergency situations
-Facilitating several children's, youth ministries and young leaders training days.
... and a load of other things, not including the boring stuff like paying electric and water bills at our community based centers.

"God, You kind of need to step in about NOW"
 
You know what? I believe He will.
You know why? Because we have seen Him do it countless times before.
You know how? Through the kindness of friends and partners who are moved with compassion and also in totally mind blowing miraculous ways.

His provision is enough and His timing is perfect.

I either believe it or I don't!

"Todays bread is enough bread
  Todays grace is enough grace
  Todays God is MORE THAN enough God" (A.Voskamp)

I either believe it or I don't.

I REALLY TOTALLY DO!

"And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. " (2 Corinthians12:9)

(One of my life verses)

SUFFICIENT- ENOUGH to meet the needs of a situation or a proposed end.



Worry replaced with worship yesterday- photo credit KCM partner Thomas Tham

Headache.

A headache of desperation to get to Jesus
A pounding inside to shut everything else, everyone else out and go to the secret place,
My time has been consumed today with many things, but not much with the One
- The One my soul needs.

By candlelight i sit now with nothing to distract- but The One
Where I'm born to be.
Here. Just here.
You should be priority-always
Without abiding I cannot be a good wife, mother, missionary or anything!

I need Your beauty to strip away the rottenness of my heart
Your love that flips my whole world upside down.

Thank you!
You always make yourself available for little me
With the most patient eyes I have ever known, You pierce though me to the core You created.

I need you Real.

Little i. Big You.

I'm NOT tired!

Another chance to finish a blog I started ages ago!

____________________________________________

 A cute, but VERY grumpy, particularly sensitive, over emotional and loud toddler.
This boy NEEDS a nap!

"But IM NOT TIRED. I don't like to nap. I don't want to rest. I DONT LIKE REST!."
(emphasis Josiahs!)

More crying, more shouting and within 10 minutes he was..... in a peaceful sleep!

Even my bubba Eli sometimes fights sleep when he's tired. What's that all about?!

Josiah reminded me how we sometimes are with our Abba Daddy in heaven. How silly that we sometimes  think we can get through even a day without resting and being refreshed in Him. How silly to think we have what it takes to get through all the challenges a day brings without abiding in Him.

In spite of my toddlers very confident protests and opposition about resting, I knew he really really did need to rest. His lack of nap time was THE cause of all the more intense outbursts, lack of self control and general crankiness.

If we don't get time with God and our minds renewed by His word  we can sometimes end up with very "un-Christian" outbursts!  For me if I don't make time with God first thing in the morning I'm done for!

Since becoming a mum I am so much more aware that I need God all through the day. I need to talk to Him, dipping in and out of conversation all through the day.  Inviting Him into everything, every part of my day.
I learned that as a parent "quite times" and the secret place are neither really as quiet or as secret! I went through a season of feeling really frustrated  when I couldn't get time to pray alone. Then one day I felt so released as the Spirit revealed something to me.

I had this impression that I should be taking the boys with me into the secret (now not so secret) place. I should just sit with Jesus- sing, talk, listen and read with the boys around. So a while back that's what I started to do and I found (to my surprise) that the boys somehow picked up on the atmosphere (for a little while at least) and I could abide without being pulled at too much! A few times Josiah has joined in singing what I'm singing or bringing his own picture bible to the kitchen table. I was so blessed!

God wants us to meet with Him in every season of our lives. He wants to be involved in it all. How special is that?!

When I was a teenager I sometimes would baby sit for my friend that had 7 children. Yes 7!  I remember her saying on a few occasions about doing  "mountain top prayers". If I'm not mistaken she was referring to how Jesus would go up a mountain and pray short prayers to the Father and then come back down and continue with ministering to people. As mums, we need  to be copying Jesus and having us  a lot of mountain top prayers! Through the crazy busyness that a day brings we can have conversations back and forth with the creator of the universe- our Daddy God.

Our mission fields are where we step (or are pulled) out of bed
- our homes
- our work
- our neighborhood
- or a foreign land

So we all have a mission field. But how distorted if we think we can prove faithful to them without being with Jesus.  Isn't it all so wrong if we are working for Him, even talking about Him but not actually talking to Him that much?

He's a God of relationship and he desires us to love Him and talk to Him. Amazing!

Josiah re- reminded me of one of my life verses. A passage I find myself continually coming back to again and again. I feel I can never read it too much;

"I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing" John 15:5

How mind blowing that Christ wants to abide in us and even wants us to abide in Him so that much fruit can be shown through us. Amazing!

I can do nothing  without Him!

An angel joined us for breakfast.

( A blog I scribbled a couple of months ago, but only got around to kind of editing)

My two boys eating cereal at the kitchen table and worship music streaming live from the International House Of Prayer in the background.

Josiah-"A rainbow Mummy!"

Me- "Where outside?" Then I focused my attention back to Eli who was rubbing his breakfast into his newly washed  hair.

(A moment or two later)

Josiah- "Mummy, a rainbow!"

Me- "Where? Did you see one out the window?"

This time I got up out my chair and looked out of the window. I haven't seen many rainbows in Manila.

Josiah -"NO Mummy, THERE" pointing to the far corner of the living room

Josiah- "The angel has a violin and singing 'Our God is Stronger'"

I almost chocked on my toast! Did my son just tell me he saw a rainbow, violin playing, singing angel?!!!

Yes, I guess he did!!

He then went back to eating his breakfast.

__________________________________________


A few weeks later we were having snack time and Josiah out of the blue said;

"I'm just watching the ballet dancer Mummy" transfixed on a vacant space in the center of the living room.

"He is doing like this with His wings. " ( makes imaginary wings with his two arms and spins around)

You might be thinking -  what a good imagination that child has or you may be thinking what a weird kid!

 I remember years ago my Pastor in Scotland said that he believed sometimes children saw things in the supernatural realm that we miss.I started to think about why this might be.

Josiah is not mature enough to deliberate about his description might be received. I'm sure he does not yet have the capacity to think " if I share this with  mum I might look like a fool!"

Children tell it like it is. They say what they see, ignorant about skepticism and without practice at being cynical.   The are trusting, have simple faith, tender hearts and humility.
They have not yet learned how to be egocentric. There's an innocence and purity .... well most of the time! :)

We as adults on the other hand may doubt, question much more, care about what others may think or say.
When did we lose that  care free abandonment not to be concerned about the judgment of others? When did we last take a risk by saying something true and crazy about loving Jesus?
What was the last thing we spoke that came from a truly humble heart?
Do we trust our heavenly Father with our whole hearts enough to simply have faith in His promises no matter what our circumstances say?


Did my little boy see two angels?
Maybe not- but maybe!

I have no problem believing he did.


God used my son to give me a reminder lesson about being childlike. I mean Jesus must have been trying to tell us something when he was asked who was the  greatest in the kingdom of heaven-



"At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”
Then Jesus called a little child to Him, set him in the midst of them,   and said,
“Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven.   Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven"

(Matthew 18: 1-4)

I wonder how many things we miss out on because our hearts are not always in that place of becoming like a little child? How many blessings   have we not received because we do not humble ourselves as we should?

So grateful for God using these two wee men to teach me continually!

The mission field is MESSY

 "Holistic Ministry"

What does it really mean?

I would offer that an on the ground definition would be;

"MESSY!"

Holistic ministry is to get invited into every area of someone's life. The good, the bad and the messy!

Mission is Messy!

The issues that families with very limited means have can be complicated, heartbreaking, confusing and untidy.

Loving people without expecting anything in return is messy and we are called as the church to jump into that mess.

We must.

We are called to keep loving and keep helping when people do not appreciate it.

We are called to keep  caring for those that hurt our hearts and throw it all back at us intentionally or unintentionally.

We are called to keep blessing those who might try to use us. After you have given your time, your help, your resources they may disappoint.

Many may come back to say thank you. Some may not. It really doesn't matter. We often tell the people "salamat sa Dios lang po"  ( just say thanks to God please)

In mission, in Christian charities we should always be pointing people to God, not our organizations or ourselves. We are commissioned to build for the Kingdom- not build a name for our selves. We should be making people dependent on God and empowering them to do what they can.

We are called to jump into their mess to walk along side them- no strings attached.


In the Mess there are MOMENTS

Moment we get to see the most personal parts of lives- new babies, weddings. Often people  become part of your family.

Moments we get the privilege to help save lives sometimes.

Moments we watch Jesus completely turn a life around, change from the inside out.

Moments we see God move, God heal, God fill up and light up.

Moments we get to play a  part of whole families being transformed.


MESS and MOMENTS

Through the hard times and through the amazing times we must continue to;

Love God. Love people
.
Make wrong things right.

Be a voice for those who have none.

Empower. Give Dignity. Bring Hope.  

One of the passages we have got for the slums and one we cling on to and speak out.

 

Isaiah 61:

 (3)

 

"To give them beauty for ashes,

The oil of joy for mourning,

The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness,

That they may be called trees of righteousness,

The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.

 

(4)

 

And they shall rebuild the old ruins,

They shall raise up former desolations,

And they shall repair the ruined cities,

The desolations of many generations

 

(7)

Instead of your shame you shall have double honor

Instead of confusion you shall rejoice

 

(8)

For I , the Lord love justice.....I will direct their work in truth"

 

a brave little girl dancing her way over trash after kids church

 

 

Typhoon season here again.

There's a bad typhoon today. The electric went off in the middle of the night and hasn't come back on yet.
The battering of the storm and crashing flying things woke the boys at 4.30am and that was them up!
(yawn)
The street and subdivision flooded deep so we were stranded. Not much food in the house so hero hubby braved the storm to go buy tinned goods. Never been so thankful to see him turn up at the door with canned tuna! hehe He had to move a part of a tree off the road to get to the store. Took him about 2 hours just to go to the local shop and back. People panic buying he said.

I was feeling  grumpy since we had all been awake since 4.30am. I lost my joy for a bit! Boys eventually napped even though it was really stuffy with no electric fans. I discovered that it takes one hour to boil a pan of water with 2 candles. Drank coffee. Got my bible out and felt much better!

As soon as there is any kind of storm our hearts turn to the communities we work in. They are resourceful and resilient and certainly do not need us to rescue them. But the reality is also that the men and women who depend on recycling cannot work during a typhoon and this means their families do not eat that day.

My heart full of thanks to God that the majority of our team are made up from residents in the community. This means that even when calamity strikes they are able to continue meeting needs. Today the feeding team continued provide food for the mothers and babies and tomorrow they will run extra feeding for anyone who needs it.

the mother volunteers know the need and continue to meet them even during floods

KCM youth Pastor Elmo decided he still wanted to try to get to Tondo to mentor the youth even though much of the public transport was down. Our church has had no electric so they sat out in in the wet street by candlelight.

Youth Pastos "feet bringing good news" :)
 

Our main centers roof got a good bashing and quite damaged. Without being asked local residents from the dump site area climbed up to repair it

youth mentoring and young men that helped fix our roof

The feeding women, the youth Pastor and the local men were displaying the very verses I was reading this afternoon;

"... among whom you SHINE AS LIGHTS in the world" (Philippians 2:15





"Let your LIGHT so SHINE before men" ( Matthew 5:16)

Today we were dependent very much on candles. I appreciated them so much more than I normally would. Even the little flickers they were giving made a big difference. I could see where in the house my babies were running around before sunrise! They gave perspective. They made the darkness bearable.

WE the church are to BE THE LIGHT in this  world. WE are to make the lives of people who are sad, sick, lonely, struggling or in total darkness a bit brighter. We are to be that warm light that makes it a little easier to cope. We are to be the flicker that ultimately points them to THE LIGHT of the WORLD- JESUS.

Over the next few days we will know the housing damages in the communities. Thank you to those who have been communicating via text and fb to ask how everyone is. We appreciate it.

https://www.facebook.com/KalayaanMinistries

See-through prayers

When our main focus is not Jesus, everything else slips out of balance.

When our minds and hands are consumed with busyness we miss being still for the still small voice.

Oh how we need His still small voice as much as we need His words that roar like a lion to awaken our hearts.

Our hearts need ignited with passion for Jesus.

Fuelled by Him, for Him.
Shaken up and trembling to want more and know more of what He has for us.

Stir up those gifts.

What are your gifts?

Are they dormant, disillusioned or desperate to glorify the One who gave them?
Who gave them for His own pleasure and for others.

Jesus, refresh us. Wake us. Melt the stone. Soften the clay
-to be molded in your love

Less of us.
More of You.

Love for you.
Love for others
radical,
raw
and real.

With see-through prayers i say I don't have what it takes to make a difference
You God are what will make the difference though me.
.
Our legacy's matter

I  long to leave a good one
to my husband, children and the forgotten ones you have called me too.

I'm not interested in building a ministry. Don't care about numbers.

I want to be found faithful


I want to be found faithful
to You ,to the ones you gave us to care about.

They matter.

Family SO matters.

Justice matters.

And when we lose our way and do things backwards- loving them instead of loving you first
QUICKLY turn us around, incline our senses to your guiding Spirit to turn things the right way.

LOVING YOU. LOVING PEOPLE
.
Concerned with you, obsessed with you. In love with you.

You matter more.

And on the days when things just don't work, may I stir up my own heart song to praise you.
Love you., thank you and remember
Remember you are still all and in all.

Come on soul wake up! Be stirred up!

Seek the ONE that matters
Matters more than anyone, more than anything.

To Jesus. For Jesus.
You see us- and you are good
You know us- and you are kind
You hear us- and you are close

You see- through us that you will be seen through us

Learning about Leading.

Sometimes people think living in another country is an adventure. Sometimes it is. Sometimes it isn't.

Sometimes people think being in full time on a mission field is rewarding.
Sometimes it is. Sometimes it isn't.

If you are called to serve a community of people long term there will be times of much fruit and encouragement and also times of challenge and discouragement.

Our motivation can never only be people. It must be Christ.

In my husband I see a servant leader. Continually helping people behind the scenes as well as leading from the front.

In my husband I see a leader who stands up for injustice and will not let unfairness have any place.

In my husband I see a leader who speaks the truth in love. If someone in our care has done something wrong, he will tell them in a way that will rebuke but encourage them to go on, go on and be better.

In my husband I see a man who will stand up to encourage others during times when his own heart is discouraged. In fact I have seen him stand up and speak words of encouragement to the very ones who have done things to discourage him.

In my husband I see a man who goes on and serves not because people are watching.. Not because hundreds come back and say thank you. Some do. Some don't. But it's not about that. He leads and serves and serves and leads because in this season he believes this is what he is meant to do.

He has many gifts. He wont take them forward unless God clearly open the door. He wont push himself to a place so that people will hear him.

A patient man. A kind man. A gifted man. A genuinely humble man. A giving and generous man.

He would give away anything and everything. He holds no material thing tightly.

I've seen him give away things of great worth and I've seen him come home soaking wet without a t shirt having given it away to some one that was colder than he was.

A perfect man. No.

A great man. Yes.

I am so thankful he is my husband.

I am thankful I am learning about leading by watching him do it. 

I know the ONE who is leading you.
I know who holds your hand
I see Jesus in your walk and the ones you stop for
You stop for hopeless ones others walk past. You stop and you do something.

I know the One who is leading you
I hear Him in your songs
It's heavens words sang through you
Music that make  forgotten hearts know they have Someone to belong to.

I know the one who is leading you
I see Him in the way you lead us
With patience, giving, forgiveness and strength
He's part of you. You're part of Him. Both part of us.

So keep going. Keep leading. He'll carry you when you can't. He'll awaken the next song you should pen that will encourage your heart to still lead, still serve. Still serve. Still lead.

Josiah and our hero- Daddy.

My responsiblity.

"Please God. Don't show me anymore new needs today" was the whisper of my heart this week.

I know that sounds so selfish and silly.
What I meant was that we (the team) are dealing with so many needs already and it seems that every time we set foot on the dump site we are presented with more critical needs.

Urgent needs. Desperate needs.

 I don't mean that people come and ask us for  anything. I mean individuals and families are really suffering and the needs are just desperate at times and right in front of our faces. No sooner had I uttered that sentence in my heart than I heard and felt the following words like a loud, booming compress in my spirit;

"If we the church don't respond to the needs then who will?

If you don't respond who will?

IT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY"

The fact is it is our responsibility as the church, the body of Christ, the hands and feet of Jesus, a fellow human being to do something to help people who are hurting.

Yes it will hurt to see such suffering.

Yes some nights you wont sleep because you feel the burden of their situation weigh heavy on you.

They will be on your heart. On your mind.

You will think and pray and wonder about the most helpful and sustainable way to respond.
In some cases there is NO other option but to respond straight away.
Budgets will be adjusted and priorities re-arranged again. You will constantly reassess the most pressing needs. It's not renovations or making the place look nicer. It's not repairing the vehicles . It's no longer a field trip or purchasing another instrument- it's helping someone to survive- to make it.

We need to ask God to let us see our communities as He sees them.
He doesn't see them as a mass numerical blur.
He sees individuals.
He sees them and He cares. He sees them and responds.

The hungry are our responsibility
The hurting are our responsibility
The widow, the orphan , the sick, the lonely are OUR responsibility.

But there is too much need and would never know where to start right? We could never help everyone right?

Start with those around you. Start with those whose stories you hear. God will clearly lead you to that someone... and the next.... and the next.
Ron and I find that God clearly puts the next person or the next family in front of us to help and we just KNOW.

Response doesn't have to mean money, though it can. The greatest response to need is LOVE. Loving those who don't have anyone else. Response is our TIME. Response is LISTENING. Response is using our RESOURCES to make things a little easier for them.

A real response in genuine love and care is sacrifice and according to what Jesus demonstrated through his life that is what true love  should be- sacrifice.

Sigh, how often does our (my) selfishness get in the way. I, me, my can run out our (my) mouth so easily can't they? Our feelings. Our needs. Our expectations.

Loving the hurting stranger, loving those in our community, loving our children, loving our spouses should be a sacrifice and with that sacrifice would come joy because  it is better to give away than get. An upside down, radical principle, but a biblical truth nonetheless.

I am learning that loving is not always doing something immediately, but can be just being there. In many ways it's so much easier to go into a slum community and DO something. DO a program. DO a ministry. DO a "thing" (and they "things" whatever they are can be of great value) But for me personally doing the things are easier than just sitting beside someone who is the embodiment of human suffering and doing nothing but listening with everything in that moment. To really listen to the stories, to their lives and hurts is one of the most difficult things and yet this is where relationship and often friendships are built.

The day I said "please don't show me any more needs today"

He did show me more.

Raquel.



Raquel in her home talking to Ron about her situation



Raquel in the KCM "Mama and Me" playgroup

Raquel has been coming to the mother and babies group for a couple of months. Initially she always sat alone because she comes from a different area of the dump site than the majority come from. It's only in the past couple of weeks that we have learned more about her situation. She has never asked for anything. She has never spoke about her troubles unless asked.

I noticed the fist time she and her 2 children joined the group at the way her face would light up when her youngest baby girl smiled. Her 7 month old honestly has one of the most beautiful smiles I have ever seen. She is such a happy baby. Small for her age, but really obviously happy.

Raquel is often the first mother to come through the gates and just always starts to play with her kids. One day a couple of weeks ago she began opening up about her situation after I asked about her husband.

"He left us 7 weeks ago. He took my middle son with him"

For 7 weeks 22 year old Raquel has had no income as her husband was the one to earn through recycling.. For 7 weeks she has been grieving and missing her 3 year old second born son.

Her Father left when she was a little girl and her mother is dead. She doesn't have anyone to support her, apart from neighbors who "sometimes give rice when they have it". 
She has been doing her very best and has been determined to try and feed her children something each day sometimes by peeling garlic to make a few pesos and sometimes selling pag-pag (waste food that is recycled)
Other women in the community told me they see her picking food from the trash, sometimes to feed her children and sometimes to sell. Can we even begin to imagine what we would do if there was no other option for food to fill the ache in our children's stomachs?

Her home is situated in one of the worst parts of the area. You have to step though so mush sludge, water and trash to reach it. Her home is 2x5 foot long. No electricity. It is a tiny shanty with holes in the roof and chicken wire and old boards for walls. She has wood on the ground where she and the children sleep. There are pieces of tarpaulin covering it which is kept spotlessly clean for the babies to lie on.

What struck me about Raquel the first time I observed her in the mothers group and every week after was how gentle she was with her children and the way her face glowed with a big beautiful smile every time her children would smile.

Ron and I spent a long time with Raquel one day this week in her home and I just cannot get her out of my heart. We both felt that  her children were the only reason she has kept going. Kept surviving. Kept trying to provide somehow.

Would you pray for Raquel please?

Her youngest child is now on our daily feeding program where she is fed twice a day. I was encouraged to hear from the lips of the women from the  other side of the dump site that they have began getting to know her and talking to her.
She is being given weekly groceries and rice delivered by our feeding team. We will do a house repair soon to help keep the rain out and  a micro enterprise business which she can operate from home so that she could earn money without having to leave her children.
More than all this though, we would like you to pray that through her getting to know other mums at the group and those in our team she would no longer feel so alone. We want her to know she is cared about, thought about and loved. What a brave and loving mother to have kept going.

"it's because I have strength inside" she told us.

"Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble.." James 1:27

Oh that I could have a heart to never want to miss a chance to do this. Oh for eyes that could see past myself and see people like Jesus would.


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