Since being pregnant with our son Josiah I've been having to stay away from the dump site a bit more because of the risk factors involved. It has taken quite a bit of adjusting as Ron continues to be there most days while I have more time at home.I miss him and I miss the children. Don't get me wrong, there is still plenty of work to be done, but the admin side is just not as fulfilling as being on the field and working side by side with my husband. I know in my heart it's important as well and I'm learning that the behind the scenes work is of value too.A few years ago I would have really super struggled with having so much downtime and not being hands on everyday.I thrived on always being busy,achieving, always doing.I actually used to feel quite guilty unless I was working. I think it's to do with identity somehow. At times my identity used to be wrapped up in what I could accomplish instead of who I am in Christ.
Now I can honestly say I love having more uninterrupted time to just be with the Lord. I love having more time to spend dwelling in the secret place with Him. Over the years the Lord has pressed upon my heart more and more the importance of dwelling before doing.
In mission work its so easy to slip into a mindset where we justify constantly doing- always being busy. There are always needs. There are always hurting people to help or hungry children to feed or some other thing that we just have to do. It would be easy to go months without a single day off or time away from ministry.We used to do this and it's not wise- you burn out fast.
We can try and justify that being busy all the time is okay because after all its all for God right?? But I personally have learned there needs to be balance. God wants us to love Him first and then love and serve others. Anyway, I cant give love away without first being filled up with Gods love and I need a re-filling everyday.
The truth is God wants ME. Continual relationship. Ceaseless intimacy. Constant abiding.He wants me before He wants the things that I do for Him. Being with God- pursuing His heart is above all- above all the work and busyness- Just dwelling with Him, leaning close to hear His heart is more precious and more vital than any other thing. It's the first thing. Only then will I be sufficiently equip to serve others.
Jesus is pursuing you. Seeking you. Desiring you. Loving you. Running after you. Singing and dancing over you. Totally passionate about you.
He wants you before He wants what you do.
The secret?
The secret is the secret place.
Working for God is second to being with God.
It's just you and me Lord
I shut the door- I enter in
Here to love and to be loved
In the secret place
"When you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut the door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place..." Matthew 6:24
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