Happy Anniversary Mahal Ko (my love)

It's our 5th wedding anniversary!!!! (smiley smiley face) :) :)
I sat down this morning to write a poem for my husband to try and express what he means to me and how I love him. I scribbled a few verses. I think they were quite nice!.But I felt a prompting to put down my pen and think specifically about what I really respect about my Ron.

Ron, my love...

I respect and love that you are;

-A man of good intentions
You fight for me and you fight for others
You stand against injustice-you take action.
You are full of compassion.

-You protect and provide for me and our children
Carry problems and pressure and try and keep the burdens from me
You are patient and kind
Creative and inspiring.

-I appreciate and respect the way you;
Work and succeed in achieving so much
Pay the bills and fix stuff!
Give. You would give everything away to help someone out.
You are honest. A man of honour.


-It blows my mind that you would;
Be willing to die for us.
You lead us. You are wise.
You offer your time to council others
You are a peacemaker
I respect the decisions you make for our family and for our work.

-I'm thankful that you;
Are strong in the times when I feel weak
You are gracious when I mess up
Come up with solutions to problems
You serve and you lead.You lead so well.

You are a great friend. My best friend. Trust worthy and faithful.
You are my love. My lover.I admire you.
I love that you still have dreams. I believe in them. I stand with you.

I want you and the world to know that:


I respect the man God made You. I thank Him for your life.
I love you.
I have faith in you. I believe in you. I am with you.
I appreciate you.
I'm so proud to stand beside you and walk this life together.
I'm so proud to be your wife.

An example set by my toddler.... to me.

The last couple of days have been the hardest I can remember in a long time. So many challenges. So many needs. It takes a lot for me to worry. I'm really not a worrier. But for the first time in a long long time I could feel myself becoming anxious.Both Ron and I could really feel the pressure of everything that was happening. Problems just seemed to be coming from every direction.
 We knew God was with us. There are so many beautiful scriptures in the bible that bring peace in situations that are so unpeacful- about Gods everlasting arms being underneath us- about not worrying about tomorrow- about God looking after the sparrows so how how much more will he look after us. But for some reason even though I read them, prayed them, sang them I could still feel this bubble of worry in my stomach.

This morning the problems that arose yesterday both to us personally and in the ministry were still with us. I was thinking about a verse my hubby quoted last night about God never leaving or forsaking us in problems. I knew it was true and yet still I could not feel that total peace about things.

 A little later in the morning Josiah climbed up onto my knee, cuddled in with his head resting on my growing bump and fell into a deep sleep.

Not a care. Not a worry in his mind. No concept of the problems..
He knew Daddy and Mummy were there to look after him. He believed his needs would be met. He knew he was loved and cared for. As I hugged him and looked into his handsome wee face, I could actually feel the contentment and peace from him. Then it hit me...
PEACE.
I thought too about Jesus asleep on the boat. I could just imagine the disciples running around in a panic. Their hearts pounding. Their minds racing... and there was Jesus in a state of total rest.

Then Jesus said- "Peace, be still! And the wind ceased and there was a great calm" (Mark 4:39)

Our Abba Daddy is looking after us. I know that I know this, but this morning I know it again!
I don't need to be anxious.I just need be thankful, trust, ask and wait for my God to help.

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6,7)

The BIG P and regular fries.

I just found this in my drafts from about 5  months ago......

 
"There are always two versions of a story, regular or twister fries. Regular, please!"

So I saw this on a friends face book page and found myself having a giggle and a big nod in agreement!


Anyone else ever surprised about the ugliness of their own nature at times? I am.

I've been thinking about how the big P can creep up almost unnoticed until..BAM! There it is! The big P I'm talking about is PRIDE. Even the sound of the word has a horrible ring to it.

Have you ever been in a situation where someone has spoke falsely against you? Maybe they are just really mistaken or maybe they are just out right telling lies! Whichever it is, I am learning the important thing is how we respond. Easier said than done at times!

One of the most hurtful things we can encounter is for some one who you think is a friend to speak wrongly against you.  My first reaction after hurt was that of defense. To show them they were totally wrong and point out facts. Thankfully I am married to a lovely and wise man who thinks before he speaks. He reminded me (even if at that moment it was not what I wanted to hear) not to rush an answer. In fact not to respond at all.
My old nature did not like it one bit!

But once the emotion melted away I knew he was right. Then I started to think about that persons situation. I still did not like the untruthfulness of the words they spoke, but I somehow just about managed to separate my feeling from the way I would respond. I started to think about what might have made them do this.

So then God starts showing me  my heart!! (sqirm sqirm sqirm) Was it my pride that made me think I had to respond by justifying myself and writing down the facts to every lie told? Was it pride bubbling up energising me to just have to "respond with this one thing".
I believe God showed me it was. I was reminded of Jesus. The bible says
"He opened not his mouth."

Gulp! Who more than Jesus had the right to justify himself and correct all the lies people told of Him? Yet He was so humble that he let all sorts of lies be spoken against Him. I was thinking too about how secure He was in His identity. Fully God. Fully man. He knew the end from the beginning. He knew the hearts and minds of every person who falsely accused Him. He knew it all.

Thank God that we can be secure in our identity in Christ. Thank God that if we are His then we need not fear what people would say. It doesn't really matter. I am so so thankful that through the grace of God that I don't have to worry about false words. I am so thankful that my identity is not based on what a person may think of me. It's not based on my past, present or future. It's not based on my work or achievements.
My identity is based on Jesus. I love Him because He first loved me. He loves me. He knows me. I am His. I am His. I am His.

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life". Proverbs 4:23

Josiahs first visit to Tondo.

This week we took Josiah with us for the first time to Tondo. My heart was pounding most of the time, but he was having so much fun!

Seeing him there with the other babies made me so thankful to have a happy, healthy son.My heart broke all over again as I watched children as young as 2 years old playing alone in the garbage- playing in waste. My heart ached as I thought "what if that was Josiah?"
That is someones baby playing in that mud, bare foot, half clothed and hungry. What if it was my baby? What if my life was switched with one of the mothers there? They literally fight every day to keep their children alive. Some make it. Some don't.
As the mothers shared some of their "news" yesterday my inner voice was screaming;
"This is not normal. This is not right."
Below are some of the things they shared which happened that day;

-One mother came into the group late. Her baby was playing with the others but was a little more clingy to her than usual. She lifted up his faded blue t shirt to reveal bright red marks covering his torso and arms.He was covered in burns from an injury that morning. It was now afternoon and he still had no treatment..

-A withdrawn toddler was covered in open wounds on his arms and face. Small cuts and bites had become infected with the filth from the surroundings and the wound on his arm was now a hole. An actual hole.

-An older mother joined in who does not usually attend the play group. It's normally her teenage daughter who has a 2 year old and a 6 month old. I asked the mother how she was and inquired about her youngest daughter who is 4 years old and has cerebral palsy. She told me matter of factly but with an undertone of worry that her teenager daughter just fled to the province without warning leaving the 2 infants behind. This mother now had to care for her own 3 young children plus her daughter's 2. How could she take care of them? How could she feed them? Why did her daughter leave so suddenly. She did not know.

-Children with high fevers and mothers who could not afford to buy medicine.

- A new born baby boy who's skin was starting to break out in rashes with the heat and germs.

Can you imagine giving birth to your precious baby and instead of bringing her home to your house, neatly decorated with  balloons and greeting cards, you brought her to a rat infested dump site? Instead of dressing her in new clothes, you wrapped rags on her. You love her more than words can say, but you have no choice. Her perfectly smooth skin becomes itchy and swollen as a result from the environment.

I'm in awe once again at my warrior mum friends in that community. They love their children. They want the best but are under strains that are difficult for you or I to understand.
These mothers are so strong. I know I would not cope if I lived where they live. These amazing women don't just cope- they love- they laugh- they pick themselves up and carry on. I admire them. I am thankful to have met them and proud to know them.

This is not the life these babies should have. I can't stand the thought of seeing them grow into children scavenging through rotten food and other people's throw aways. It doesn't matter how much we do- it never feels enough. I know the goodness of God. I know His heart aches for this community. I know He loves it more than words could express. I know He wants to give these babies and the others there an abundant life- on earth and into eternity.
We cry for justice. We work for justice. We are here for justice.

Is it a crazy, far out dream to think things could be changed?

-YES- If I think we or any other organisation, church or person can change things by their own abilities.

NO- If I believe God can move. He can change lives. He can change communities. He can transform a nation. He uses people to carry out his purposes. He uses ordinary, imperfect people.
We must work to do what we can. But we must trust that God can and will move.

 Maybe some reading this are thinking- why should I trust a God who lets people live like this?
I would suggest you think about being thankful that you are not living like that. When my husband and I took our precious son to the car, washed him and brought him home, I had a heavy heart that the babies had no choice but to stay behind. But I was so greatful that we could bring our son home.I am thankful that my son was not born there and that I as are many of you are in a position to do something about poverty.It's so encouraging and so humbling to think that God can use you and me to help bring  change and touch lives. He uses people to work along side those in need. He uses people to pray for these works.He uses people to give.
 
I believe;

"He WILL bring justice to the poor of the people. He WILL save the children of the needy and WILL break in pieces the oppressor" Psalm 72: 4

Her name is Princess Juliana. She is almost 3.

A quote worth quoting...

I'm always amazed and thankful at the way God provides for the ministry through the kindness of people. Never early and never late. We had a faith journey become reality again this month as our annual youth camp took place.It's a time when the teenagers can have a break from the daily struggles and have 4 days of respite at a beach resort. Our prayer is always that they get refreshed physically, emotionally and spiritually. This year was extra significant since we had to postpone the camp from May until the last week of October. We ll knew that God must have a reason for this.It turns out there were a few great reasons and I don't want to ramble on, but it just confirmed that Gods hand was on this camp every step of the way. Oh how He loves these teenagers!

Before we left for camp I scribbled in my journal;
"Lord, be pleased to move among us. Holy Spirit move in a special way. Heal hearts, touch lives and draw the teenagers to You. We don't want an event God- we want to see lasting fruit come from this week. Be with us Lord Jesus..."

There is so much I could write about camp. It was just a great week and so much fun. (Exhausting but fun!) I couldn't possibly write about all the ways God blessed us. God moved.
But if I had to sum it up I would say this;
"There is no substitute for the Holy Spirit."

This is a quote from my sisters Pastor in Belfast, Northern Ireland. Before the camp I was thinking about it and then my brother in law posted it on his face book page. It became a reality the first night of camp...

The first day is always a tiring one! Many of the youth don't sleep with excitement the night before. I was shocked when they told us they woke up as early as 2am to get ready to leave. We don't depart Tondo until 6am!!! Then 125 bodies pack into jeeps and travel 5 hours up north to the resort we host the camp at. Straight into activities and so on. By evening we are all pretty tired. But we always have that first evening dedicate to a celebration of worship and prayer just to thank God for his goodness that another camp has been made possible.
This year Ron and I lead that first night, leaving the other youth bands to lead the rest of the week. As we started to worship it was apparent the young people were sleepy, but there was something else. There was a definite atmosphere and it wasn't really one of freedom. Have you ever been in a church gathering where the worship seems to hit the roof instead of penetrate the heavens? Well. it was like that. Ron and I both sensed the lack of freedom in the hall and began praying as we lead. In our spirits we both felt a determination that the night would not go on without a breakthrough. We so needed God to come in and dwell with us. 
As we continued to sing I got a picture in my mind....

I saw the young people carrying cases.They couldn't lift their hands because of thes big blck cases. Inside the cases were labels;
Sadness, fear, hurt, struggle.... but the one that really stood out in bold black letters was GUILT.

That was it! We are not free to really worship if we are carrying all this stuff, especially guilt. We really needed the Spirit of God to come and break through and give them a fresh and real revelation of Gods love. Only then would the spiritual atmosphere change. As the youth got into groups to pray our staff and us began asking the Lord to move.Words of life were spoken over the teens. It was our hearts cry for God to release them. We began singing " Oh how He loves us" and crying out for the Holy Spirit to come.
He did and everything changed.
In fact it was the catalyst needed to direct the purpose of the whole camp. God is so good.

Again, I know if I start getting into testimonies of how God touched lives I will be writing here all night. But I am just so so thankful to the Lord for answering prayer and moving in the lives of many young people.He saved. He healed. He restored.He filled.
He is more than amazing. Amazing grace.

There truly is no substitute for the Holy Spirit and I want this to be engraved in my heart. You can have the best planned activities, amazing preachers, well provided for church, the best reheared music team and dynamic outreaches. BUT they just don't even come close to a move of the Spirit of God. There is  no faking it when the presence of God really takes over. No pretense. No religion. No comparison.

He is lovely.

(Have no idea why the first paragraph has a white background and my baby brain will not permit me to problem solve any longer today- Goodnight all! :)

Life is like a piano.

'But David encouraged himself in the Lord.." 1 Samuel 30:6

This verse has been going through my mind for the last week or so. Maybe it's meant for someone who is reading this....

Sometimes you might find yourself in a situation where there seems to be no one to encourage you. Maybe you are in a place full of people, but for some reason no one seems to have that word you are in need of. Or maybe you are in a place where you are physically alone. Maybe you are going through a suffering situation that even if people want to, is really hard for them to understand. Maybe these are some of the reasons this verse is in the bible. Is it there to remind us that on some occasions we really have to encourage ourselves by looking up to the one who understands it all. I believe with all my heart that God uses people to speak encouragement into our lives. This is precious. I know He uses the heart song of others, a letter or a scripture handed to us by a friend.
But I believe too there are certain times when we must make a choice to stir up our gifts, stir up our hearts and stir up the word of God within us. It won't always feel amazing. It may not even seem to make a difference to our emotions or change our circumstances. But I believe, and I can't fully explain why but it does do something in the spirit realm. It keeps our hearts right. It moulds us into an over comer- even is we feel far from being one.It reminds the enemy that we do trust our God.

I will never forget a message preached by my Pastor in Scotland.He gave the illustration of a piano.

There are black notes and there are white notes. Depending on where you place your fingers some create a major chord (a happy sound) and some a minor chord (a sad sound). It would be hard to imagine a piano only with all white notes or only with all black. The two are placed perfectly to create something beautiful. Our lives are the same. We need both the major chords and the minor in our lives. Just as in music the minor can still work our to be something beautiful.
We won't always like what's happening. There are times we will be sad.But God really does work all things together for good to those who love Him.

Today, if you are going through a "minor chord" encourage yourself in the Lord even if it's the last thing you feel like. Choose to worship. Choose to read Gods word. Choose to still sing.
Sometimes the songs you will sing on the dark days- "in the night" will be the most beautiful and most special. Choose to worship and choose to believe that days will come again when you will sing those songs in a major, happy key again. They will.

I can't help thinking about David in the bible.A gifted musician. A player of many instruments and a writer of many songs. These songs recorded in scripture were both happy and sad. I just wonder how many of these beautiful psalms that bless us and encourage us so often were actually birthed as he chose to encourage himself in the Lord when no one else could......

Never say the C word in a Filipino airport!

Last week we were in Malaysia for my friends wedding. We have been friends since we were six and so it was just amazing to be there on her special day and have a week in such a beautiful country with my hubby and baby. It really was quite a perfect week. However actually getting out the airport was not so perfect!

 Off we went at 6am to travel a couple of hours to the airport in Clark. We were pretty organised and even on time! Now in the past I have been made painfully aware of "required fees" that must be a paid inside the terminal. After researching  I was pretty sure I knew the amount needed. I was wrong!

The first sign we came to was "terminal fee". It wasn't so bad. The second line we were pointed to go to was"airport tax". However we were assured since I am not Filipino and Josiah is an infant that this only applied to Ron. It wasn't a small fee but we brought a bit extra just in case. Hmmmm... wrong information apparently given to us! When we got to the front, the woman said that the fee applied to 3 of us. Unless we wanted to pay an "exemption fee" for Josiah. Hold on- we have to pay a fee so that we don't have to pay another fee?!! is this making sense to anyone else?!!

By this stage I was getting annoyed. You can ask to see all the policies in the world and talk until you are blue in the face but at the end of the day , the airport staff have the say and that is it. I am thankful for a very patient husband, but even he was getting agitated by this stage since we had to go and change money back into pesos to pay this ridiculous fee.

Surely that is it I thought. There are no more signs for fees. Just one security check and then we can relax and start to enjoy our trip. Wrong! When we got to immigration the guy said "you must pay a fee". This time the fee didn't even have a title! He must be joking! It was a really steep amount. We asked to speak to a supervisor to give an explanation. After searching through an old notepad she said" because you are a foreigner and resident". Wait a minute! The other guy just said there would be no more fees because I am a resident of the Philippines! I felt like I was going to explode but Rons calming influence was rubbing off just enough to hold me from going mental. We really questioned this fee. Giving all the sensible reasons we could as to why it should not apply. We told of the information we had been given already by the other staff. Surely each post should be giving the same info? The supervisor replied " they other staff don't know what they are doing". Em... shouldn't that be her job as their manager to  make sure they did?!

I was mad! I began to speak faster and waffle why we should not pay this fee. It was not making a blind bit of difference... but i was mad! Ron spoke sensibly to the women while I sat down in a fluster. I thought I was talking to myself but said out loud "this system in so corrupt" Well!! One of the staff heard me and was not at all amused. Honestly I never meant that they particular individuals were corrupt, in fact one girl was particularly sweet. However I did feel it was unjust and the lack of communication between staff was very unprofessional. Next thing we know they are not going to allow us on the flight and they definitely would not let us on the flight if we did not pay. Sigh..... beyond frustrating. By the time we were finished we had to pay out almost 100 pounds of  money.

In my personal opinion I still think the system is guilty for legalised corruption. But I also know my attitude that day was not right. I should have been able to remain calm. I should not have spoken what was in my mind. I should have been able to control my flesh from boiling over. I shouls be more like my hubby in these situations whose moto is "a gentle answer turns away wrath". However honestly in my stubborness in this situation these are the last words I would have wanted to hear!

As you can read there are no deep lesson in this blog. Just the ramblings of a frustrated travller and the reminder to myself not to ever use the *Corruption word in an airport again! Looking back it is now a little funny...not very funny... but maybe a little bit! :)

Lessons I learned from a one year old

Recently our one year old has been doing a couple of wee things that provoked thought for me...

As of late if he wants to go to sleep he climbs near me and puts his head on my heart. His eyes close and his perfect little fingers stretch out to find my heartbeat. I suppose it makes perfect sense that a heartbeat would make him feel secure and calm since it was top of his play list while he was in the womb!
It made me think though.....
What if stayed I this close to the saviours heartbeat? What if I searched for it everyday and was not content until I found it? Hear his every breath. Feel his heartbeat. You can't get much closer. It says in the word that "there was leaning on Jesus bosom one of His disciples,whom Jesus loved" Next to his heart. What better place to be than right next to the heart of Jesus. To listen to his words and feel the vibration of the tones in his voice. The most beautiful melody that could ever be heard. There are so many worship songs that speak about being near to the heart of Jesus.I believe this is exactly where God wants each one of us.He's not some distant God that we have to go through ritual and laws to be accepted by.He desires us to be so close. What an awesome thing that is! Sometimes we just don't feel good enough to have the boldness to go like a child and jump up on the Fathers knee. I believe that's what He wants us to do.So sure of His love for us. A child usually isn't put off by his Daddy asking him to wait until hes finished work before he comes in the office. If that wee son wants to hug his daddy or ask something from his daddy he most likely barges with confidence through the door and jumps up and hangs round the neck of his hero. What good Father would say "oh , cant you see all my paper work". Of course he would ignore his mountain of work and love his son.
Our Abba Daddy wants us with our ear pressed against his heart. Amazing grace.

Last month our baby boy decided his preferred way to fall asleep was to be sung to. No more cuddling or pacing the floor- just a song. So every night before he goes to sleep Ron or I sing to him. It has been known for us to sing ourselves to sleep! I guess Josiah just wants to hear our voices and know that we are with him. Its the sweetest thing ever when he sing along Mmmmm or Lalalaaa and sings himself into dream land.
What if I could not rest or be content unless I was hearing the songs that Jesus was singing over me? What if I refused to sleep without first hearing His voice?
 Jesus sings over us. How amazing is that?! I want to know what He sings! What does his voice sound like? What notes does He choose? What is the tone and vibrato of his voice? I can only imagine it's the most beautiful voice that anyone could ever have. The God of all creation who with one word spoke creation into existence singing over me?!
Amazing love.

"He will rejoice over you with gladness,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17

Justice and mercy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A few weeks ago the words of a pastor pierced my heart and have been replaying in my spirit ever since.

 

"When was the last time you were broken hearted for your country?"

 

I believe we must speak life over our nation. When there is so much negativity in the media about how bad things are we have to choose to proclaim blessing. At the same time I believe we need to see that many have turned from the true and living God and as a result things are in a state. This sadness over our country can provoke a heart cry of justice and mercy.  God puts this heart song in us when we ask for it. I pray for a more fervent desperation to see things changed by a God who loves justice and mercy.

 

 

My heart cry- "bring justice and mercy"

Mighty God this is my prayer

Though the heavens sometimes seem like brass

I'm believing that you hear.

 

 

I know you won't desert your people

Stay close oh gentle hand

With justice and with mercy

God have pity on this land.

 

Have compassion. Lord forgive us

Though we don't deserve it- still

-You are a God of patience

Who recovers and rebuilds.

 

In past times this country has crumbled

Much is barren and still bare

But the song of hope is rising up

And victory we declare.

 

In the name of Jesus

We sing blessing, life and peace

When we really grasp your goodness

Our  hearts will bring us to our knees.

 

"I the Lord love justice"

-A promise in your book

The twins justice and mercy

For them we continue to look.

 

 

 

Pray for your country.

 

 



The heart of a carer.

 

  I have witnessed first hand the sacrifice it takes for people to look after a loved one who is dying. As I write this I am thinking much of my mum and sister who poured themselves out caring for my step-father in his last few months. Anyone who is a carer has a special heart.Whether it's a mother living on a dump site or it's your full time"work"- It takes a really special person.But I think even more so when it is a wife giving care until the final breath of the one they love most....

 

 

There's a special kind of person

They are strong and true,

Caring through the hard times

Holding on, seeing illness through

 

Sometimes that special person

Feels weary and afraid

But the heart of a carer

Is to keep appearing brave

 

At times its sore to watch the pain

And tears are often shed,

God understands the burden felt

And by His hand you're lead

 

You are that special carer

You have been all your life,

Faithful, loving, loyal, true

God gave a special man- a very special wife.



The adventures of Mama, baby and bump!

Please excuse the ruggedness of this blog.No time to edit! :)

At the beginning of the month I travelled back to Scotland for a short 10 day visit. It was a sad trip in many ways. Seeing a loved one before they pass over to the other side always is. It was a hard trip,but a blessed trip.

My hubby and I have always made a point of not being away from each other for more than a few days.We miss each other too much! I know its mushy, but true! But there are some situations you just can't prepare for. This trip was one of them

To be totally honest I really did not know how it was possible financially for me to return at such short notice. In my heart I really wanted to go and say goodbye to my step dad who had fought cancer so very bravely for over 2 years. But I did not think I could go. But it's just like God to already be way ahead of us and have planned everything out right to the last detail. I was reminded again what a personal God I have.

One morning I had been thinking a lot about my family and the situation they were all facing back home. I felt so helpless. That afternoon I received a message from a dear couple who have become special friends and encourager's to us. They said that they wanted me to know that if I wanted to go back to Scotland for a trip that they would like to gift my flight. Who does that?!!
At the time they knew my step dad was ill but had no idea of the details.The amazing thing was at that time I also had no idea of that decline of his health. Once I was able to speak for shock, I told our friends I would pray about it and speak to Ron and my mum. Within a couple of hours a family member phoned me to tell me the doctors had given my step dad a couple of days maximum to live. I knew God had presented this opportunity for me to be with my family at this time.I was overwhelmed by His love and the kindness of our friends. Flights for Josiah and I were booked that evening and we flew the next day.

I was a little nervous about travelling a different route than usual with Josiah and bump.When we checked in, the airport stroller we had hoped for could not be given. Carrying an 11 month old through security and airports would be a bit of a challenge.But guess what happened? After we got off our first flight a member of staff approached us and said. "Some one on the plane yesterday just happened to leave a stroller. Do you want to use it and just return in later?" I just knew then it was a little kiss of favour from our heavenly Father!

Then as we got to our gate we were told our flight had been changed! I hadn't brought any cash with me because our stop over times were supposed to be very short and I figured I wouldn't need it. But now we would have hours to wait and my baby belly was telling me I was going to get hungry soon. But guess what happened next? As we went through security the lady said "Oh you have been upgraded to business class and so can avail the business lounge. Well Ive never been in the airport business lounge but oh my! There was a big lovely buffet with all sorts of yummys which Josiah and I enjoyed. Gods loving hand was on us again! I don't want to bore you with every detail but it was just so clear God had gone before us the whole trip!

I'm writing this because I think it's important not to forget the favour and blessing that some may just say is coincidence. It's definitely not. We have a personal God who knows every need- even the ones that may seem insignificant.He really does care! :)

Through the eyes of a volunteer....

Below is the writtings of Chloe, a 20 year old who has come to volunteer with us for 3 weeks. She describes her first visit to the dump site community in Tondo....

  

"11/08/2012. Tondo dumpsite; festering with fermenting rubbish, knee deep toxic sludge, contaminated water and accessorized ever so plentifully with vermin. The visual can only be likened to the minds darkest concoctions of the aftermath of a war; devastation, disease and despair. As we travelled into the dumpsite dozens of smiling faces greeted and ran after us welcoming us to the community Not one child looked in anyway disheartened by their situation and couldn’t hold your hand or cuddle you any quicker - the people being the ultimate paradox to the extreme poverty they are victims of. Their affection, trust and joy left me with the heaviest feeling in my heart I have ever felt. I looked at the children, some with no clothes, some coughing from primary complex, some starving, some lying in contaminated flood water, ALL smiling – truly, diamonds in the rough. That day I listened to the children’s community choir singing for the first time. I was met by beaming faces desperate to perform. Whilst posing for the camera and singing ‘the climb’ the children sounded out of this world. Their English was word perfect, perfectly in tune,; the happiness in their eyes was overwhelming. When the choir finished and the children began to return to their ‘homes,’ cramped, disease ridden make shift homes scattered across the dumpsite, it hit me - these children have nothing but hope. That is the first time I have ever witnessed the power that having hope can have. It transforms these children from feeling alone and victimized to being some of the strongest characters I have ever met. I couldn’t help but cry later that day as I thought back to the tiny faces. That night I had a shower, I put on clean clothes, I went to the mall and I bought some dinner - not one of these things did I do without thinking how much I would give for those children to take my place. My mind boggled with how the situation could be so out of hand, the class divide far beyond any stretch of the imagination. I was consumed with feelings of anger, at why these children and adults must endure this when so many, including myself, have so much and always desire more in a complete self-obsessed ignorance. That night I felt the hollowest, darkest feeling I have ever felt - complete helplessness for the children. I wish I could take every single one of them and give them clean clothes, houses and rid them of disease, the fact that I cant and I have seen the conditions they live in makes me feel helpless and beyond any frustration imaginable. Photographs, videos, blogs, even fabrications of your mind, nothing will ever amount to the feeling that succumbs you in Tondo. So many turn a blind eye to the jewels that are buried under the dirt and the disease but my heart will never let me move on from the sights I saw my first day in Tondo ."

What if it was my son?

I'm just astonished at the way our boy is growing up so fast. I cannot believe our baby is almost 1 year old! It has been the quickest, most amazing year of my life. Of course I am totally bias, but Josiah Domingo is just the cutest, clever and quirky bundle of laughs I have ever met! I am amazed each day at every new thing he does. When he walked this month I screamed so loud he fell over! When I think of when we brought him home and he was so helpless and tiny and now he is becoming this independent little man. He amazes me. God amazes me. The way He could create and entrust me with  such a precious gift. Josiah is so loved.So very loved.

Since becoming a mummy I find that my heart breaks so much easier when I see babies and children living on the dump site and in the cemetery.A fiery voice that shouts "injustice" has been more awakened than ever. In particular when I see little boys playing naked and hungry in the mud I cannot help but think of Josiah. Every time I see them I cannot help thinking- what if it was my son? What if Josiah was born here.  As I was thinking this through I started to scribble down these words.....

What if it was my son who was born on a dump

Birthed into the filth, surrounded by flies

No milk to drink, only rags to wear

What if it was my child- then would I care?

          What if it was my daughter, who saw horrors like these

In the black of night- watched her father die

Violence and rage, gangs and pain

What if it was my child- would my heart cry for change?

Give me Your eyes Lord, eyes to really see

If I had them for a moment, my heart would change forever

Give me your eyes Lord, eyes to really see

If I had them for a moment,I'd be forever changed

          What if it was my child who had to work in the trash

Life at risk always, just to earn some rice

Injured and weakened, scared and alone

What if?What if it was my child?

 Give me your eyes Lord, eyes to really see

If I had them for a moment, my heart would would change forever

Give me your eyes Lord, eyes to really see

If I had them for a moment, Id be forever changed

Mercy- Justice

Mercy and Justice for the poor

Mercy- Justice

Mercy and justice for the poor

         What if it was me who was moved with compassion

No more words, but love in action

What if it was me who done all I could

No more talk, but motivated to help

What if it was me? What if it was me?

Give me your eyes Lord, eyes to really see

Give me them for a moment, change my heart forever

Give me your eyes Lord, eyes to really see

Give me them for a moment,make me more like You,

I made a difference for THAT ONE.

I hadn't intended blogging two nights in a row. But our darling baby son has cooperated with his bedtime schedule tonight and I found myself browsing through face book. I came  across a post on a friends page about "The starfish" I used to have this up on my wall as a teenager and when I read it tonight it just sang encouragement straight to my heart.

The Starfish Story

Original Story by: Loren Eisley

One day a man was walking along the beach when he noticed
a boy picking something up and gently throwing it into the ocean.

Approaching the boy, he asked, What are you doing?

The youth replied, Throwing starfish back into the ocean.
The surf is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them back, they'll die.

... Son, the man said, don't you realize there are miles and miles of beach and hundreds of starfish?
You cant make a difference!

After listening politely, the boy bent down, picked up another starfish,
and threw it back into the surf. Then, smiling at the man, he said
I made a difference for that one.

After all these years I find such motivation in these words once again.I'm thankful to read them.Sometimes we are surrounded by so many critical needs that the very thought of changing things and making any kind of lasting difference seems on the border of being ridiculous! Of course that is us thinking in the natural realm only. It's negative midset creeping in. 

I remember a couple of years back we had a journalist from a British news channel interview us. I remember as we toured him round the dump site community that he seemed almost completely untouched- impassive. I remember at the time thinking that he must have seen so much anguish all over the world that he had either become used to it or that it was a way of coping.Which ever it was Ron and I were absolutely unprepared for one of his questions that day. It was delivered in a very matter of fact and pretty cold tone;

"So do you really think you are making a difference to all thi?. Surely the situation will only get worse"

To be honest I can't even remember what we mumbled in response.We were both a little taken aback by his lack of hope.

Afterwards and on many occasions Ron and I talked about how if we were to look at the whole picture- all the needs, all the families, all the suffering and then look at what we were doing to change it, we would most definitely pack our bags and get on the next flight! I mean really, 30,000 families. We are merly scratching the surface. But if we remain focused on one person at a time.If we really commit to seeing that person standing before us at that appointed time. If we respond to the needs of that one, then we are making a difference.Are we changing the living situations of the whole dump site community?No. Are we making a difference one child at a time? I think by Gods grace alone- yes.

It's not about being the biggest charity. Its not about our work being well known. Its not about having the most high status funders or the best materials. It's really just about remaining faithful to the people we believe God has called us to. Its about loving Him first and loving that one he puts in our path.It's about being willing for your plans to be interrupted to make a difference for time and eternity to that one.

"Whoever receives one little child like this in My name receives Me." MAtt 18:5

Be encouraged today.Jesus spoke to thousands in crowds but he also shows us the most beautiful examples of how he stopped to talk and meet the practical needs of that one person.Over and over he demonstrates the importance.We all have a chance to make a differnce for that one.

Dirty Feet.

So I forgot my welly boots.I seem to have become increasingly forgetful since I became a Mama! Anyway as I was washing all the sludge off my feet after walking through the dump site it promoted a memory to be unlocked.

One of the first times I walked through the mushy toxic liquefied trash something significant happened that in all honesty kind of blew my mind at the time.My feet were really dirty with all sorts of "stuff" clinging to them. As soon as we entered the building located in the middle of the dump site a boy aged around 12 ran enthusiastically toward me almost knocking me over. His name was JP. He was a twin. His parents chose to keep his twin brother and he was left on the dump site. He ended up being raised by his Aunt who really loves him and has a great compassion for children in general. They still live on the dump site....

I was a bit bewildered at JP's excitement and wondered if he found something of value while scavenging through the trash. There were previous occasions when he couldn't wait to tell us he had found a bible and the other time a working guitar! He could hardly speak a word of English and I very little Tagalog at the time so he used gestures to lead me to a bench.I sat down. He held up his hands as if to stay "stay there... wait". So I did.

His next action gripped my heart and humbled me more than i can express. He brought a blue pale with clean water. When I say "clean" i mean not from the sewage or the street.He bent down and took off my shoes that were encrusted with a tar like substance and he began to wash my feet.

This young boy began to wash my dirty feet. When I realised what he was doing I tried to tell him he didn't have to and that I'd do it. He firmly but kindly told me with his hands to "stay". I was so humbled. This young boy had know much rejection but he also knew much love. He was displaying the character of Jesus right there and then in the middle of a dump site.He did not raise his head until my feet were spotless. He washed them with his hands and dried them with a rag. When he finished and the water in the bucket was dark brown and my feet were clean he looked up with the biggest smile.

That simple act probably never meant much to him. I'm sure he never planned to do it.He didn't stop to see who was watching. He was just moved to show kindness.

As on many many occasion there was again- the children we came to bless and help- blessing us. The ones we came to show love to- loving us.The ones we came to teach..... teaching us.

 ^Jesusrose from supper and laid aside His garments, took a towel and girded Himself.   After that, He poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet, and to wipe them with the towel with which He was girded. ^{6  John 13:4-6}

No child should have to die this way.

As I am typing every word, all that is really going through my whole being is "no child should have to die this way- crushed to death by a dump truck"

Before I came to the Philippines I had never seen a dead body.

Today I saw another....

We were walking along the cramped living conditions inside temporary housing to visit a family we are supporting.Ron and I were focused on making sure our visitors from Scotland were OK, that we wouldn't step on a child or fall over a cat or someones bucket of laundry in the dimly lit hallway.

One of our visitors said "did you see that back there"?
-"See what?"
Its a wake....

So as we  walked back to find a small white coffin. Family sitting on an old bench at the front of it staring blankly ahead. We spoke to a tear stained lady. It was her son in that coffin. His name was John Mark. He was 14.

He was 14.

He went to the main area of the dump site every day to collect materials that could be sold at the junk shop.He done it to help buy food for his 6 siblings. I'm not sure how many years he had been doing this. But 5 days ago would be his last time.

Often you can see young boys  jumping up at the dump trucks to grab the "best trash" . Things like plastic, metal and paper that they can sell per kilo. They earn on average 8-10pence per kilo.The dump trucks have a digger part at the back. It's large and heavy with vicious metal teeth that pierce into the dirt and pull out the rubbish to put inside. It's the drivers blind spot.

John Mark got caught in it while trying to grab rubbish. He died very soon after.

I'm writing this down right now because I cant sleep thinking about John Mark and his family. A child should not have to die that way.It should not be common for us to meet families who have lost children or have had children suffer severe injury this way- but it is.

It's a Filipino custom to have an open coffin for around one week. It's a sign of respect to the dead and it gives the family time to try and find money for the funeral. Everything in me was saying no. I did not want to look. We have seen children in coffins before and honestly I cant find 'the words to describe how it feels.Everytime is terrible.You never get used to it.Its just so wrong.

Today I felt like a force was physically pulling me away from looking inside, but my heart told me I should step forward to show respect to the family. So I followed my husband.

John Mark was dressed in his best white shirt and blue trousers that were a little too long for his height. He had no shoes. It was obvious that his face has been mangled in parts and that the family had tried their very best to cover it up and make John Mark looked as they knew him. I realised when I looked that I had seen him around but did not know him well. When you are faced with such tragedy emotion takes over. Ron and I stood weeping over the coffin at a life that need not have been lost. As we turned to leave we noticed a teenager who we know very well. His nickname is Boknoy and has been involved in our youth program for a couple of years.John Mark was his younger brother. Ron held him and he just sobbed with his head down. The mother began to groan through her tears as I embraced her and prayed.It would be stupid to say I felt her pain. I could not even begin to imagine the heartache.I have no idea the grief she feels at losing her son. Her heart must be torn. But as she groaned into my shoulder I felt it was a mothers groan of agony.

I felt helpless. Sometimes when you meet people with such deep grief there is nothing to be said. Such pain. Such loss. Its as simple as this- if John Mark had not had to work on the dump site, he would still be alive today.
Later my heart and mind were trying to process the situation and others we experienced that day. I have no answers. I just know it is the injustice of a cruel world.

"For He will deliver the needy when he cries. The poor also, and him who has no helper.He will spare the poor and needy, and will save the souls of the needy. He will redeem their life from oppression and violence" Psalm 72: 12-14

This verse helped me as I thought about the family. God heard the cry of the mother.His heart is moved at the groans and cries of the poor and needy. When no one else can help, he can help.

Please remember Boknoy in your prayers. He asked Jesus into his life a while back. Pray that even through such a terrible situation that he could be a light to the rest of his family.

A kiss of healing

A kiss of healing -that's all he needs

One touch from you, from our souls we plead

His broken body fixed with love

Take the shadows away with your light from above.

Abba Daddy, kiss his heart

It's been so long that he's been laid apart

Take his body, make it new

 We know he'd give all the glory to You.

Kiss his weakness, make him strong

We long to sing a victory song

A song of triumph, a sign that we've fought

A song of great thanks for the healing  You've brought

When should you give up  believing God can heal a sickness?

-You shouldnt.

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick" Proverbs 13:12



Coming face to face with suffering is one of the hardest things.

Coming face to face with real suffering is one of the hardest things.When you have done all you can do to try and alleviate their pain and you feel so helpless, all you can do is cry and pour out your heart before God for them. Doesn't matter how many times you see the injustice of suffering. It doesn't get easier. I'm thankful we believe in the God who feels....

This is Mary Chris (on the left)

This is Mary Chris

Yesterday Mary Chris and her family did not know Ron and I were going to do a house visit. When we got there we found the mother and husband of Mary sitting crying. They are heartbroken. They are all suffering.

20 year old Mary has been diagnosed with malnutrition and tuberculosis. She had been confined in hospital until the family were told by staff that "the government has run out of money for treatment" and so she was sent home with a long list of medicines and other items she was supposed to buy. Her husband Babie  works all hours collecting and cleaning plastic bottles.He is a hard worker but could not even begin to afford most of the items on that list. Yesterday he was so loving with his wife. He held her skeletal frame and kept gently rubbish her arm. He told her in front of Ron and I that she was still beautiful.

We are so grateful that several people have responded and have made it possible for us to buy the medicines, daily needs and pay for hospital fees. This was the news that we gave them yesterday. Their tears of despair turned into tears of relief and thankfulness. They said they knew God had heard their prayers after all. He saw them cry.

We were able to spend a long time with this lovely family yesterday. We have come face to face with much suffering before and I could probably count on one hand the times when we have actually cried in front of people. I personally find there is a strength that takes over and allows us to focus on trying  to help rather than be consumed by emotion. For me it's when I go to the secret place and am physically away from the site that the tears flow for them. When I go and sit with God to talk about what we have seen or cuddle up beside my husband , many times its then I feel the real burden and pain of the situation.

But when I sat face to face with Mary yesterday holding her frail hand. When I felt her skinny fingers cling onto mine and saw the pain in her beautiful but sunken eyes I could not stop myself from weeping.When I saw how she was in agony trying to move her position because of the pain of her bed sores, no words came.As we watched her do her very best to take sips of the vitamin drinks but vomited most of it straight back up, I could do nothing but sit quietly.

I felt totally and utterly useless.

We all wept and prayed together calling out to Jesus to heal her. We all cried from our hearts that God would step in and fix all that needed fixing. We all thanked God that He did hear our prayers and touched the hearts of people to respond in giving quickly.

                                                       Would you pray for this family.

I'm so glad we serve a God who feels. I know His heart beats with love for Mary Chris and her family. I know he cares.

I think of my own step dad at this time. He too is suffering greatly with cancer. I am physically far away but I know my family who have watched him fight so bravely and become so frail are hurting. I'm sure they feel helpless. I do.I know God cares.

I know our God is the only one who can change these situations.I trust that He knows best.

 I think each of us are called to do everything we possibly can to help those who are suffering.Our hearts tell us its so unjust and we are compelled to act. Yet our feelings of helplessness remind us that our efforts seem so small in comparison with one touch from Jesus.Everything in our being tells us that we need Him to step in and take over.

Please God, step in and take over.

A letter from a Rose

Have you ever been going through a time where circumstances or people could potntially really discourage you and then at the perfect moment someone or something would encourage you to the very core? 

Below is a letter written from a Rose amongst the trash. It's to a group of our ministry partners from Bransgore Community Church who are sponsoring her further education in teaching.
I asked her permission if it was OK to publish her letter here. She said yes!
Today this letter lifted my spirit and reminded me that God is at work, motivated me to continue and lifted my heart to bring to mind that lives are being changed.

 

Rosemae ready for her first day at college

Hi!



My name is Rosemae S Melendres. I’m 16 years old. I live in a dump site in Tondo, Manila. I am one of the teachers in Kids Church. I’m teaching the 7-8 years old class.

When I was 11 years old Kuya Ron (big brother) and Ate Joanna (big sister) first visit to Tondo they teaching Sunday school. I'm one of the first 12 kids in the room. If you are listening to them and if you remember what they are teaching you get points every week. If you get 5 points you get a reward bag of grocery and  I always get points. Its 5, then 10 and it become 15.Ate Joanna asked me if I become her assistant in Sunday school. When I’m 12 years old I become Ate Joannas translator. I don’t know how I can translate. I only know me and Ate Joanna  pray before we start  teaching then I understand everything she say. It’s a miracle for me because I'm only 12 years old and I don’t have a dictionary or a teacher to teach me how to understand English. I know it is a blessing from God. Now I’m teaching 7-8 years old.

Before when Ate Joanna and Kuya Ron come here the first week there are only 12 children. But it become hundreds and hundreds. Now my whole family are in church. My mother is a volunteer. She cooks in the kitchen for the children and my father is guarding the church. Another miracle.

First of all I would want to thank God to giving me a sponsor and I want to say thank you to all of you who give me a chance to study in college. I thought before that I’m not going because the income of my family is not enough to college. But God is always there for me and he know that I really want to go to college and to become a successful lady. It’s not only for me but for my parents and my brother and sisters and to help the children in our community to help them know the love of God.

I don’t know how can I give back the help that you gave to me. I don’t have anything to give back. What I only have is Jesus. I pray to him all of you and to give you a good health and better life with Jesus.

God bless you and thank you very much.

 Rosemae :)

We have had the privilege of watching Rosemae grow up into a beautiful young woman who has a heart for God and a heart for people. She has been a faithful translator and I would have been lost for words (literally) on many an occasion without her. We have watched God answer her prayers for he family as they have come to know the Lord one by one.God is so good!! We are excited to see how God will shape out an amazing future for her.